#1
Me and a good friend of mine wrote this song the day he had to go back and live in slovakia. This kid was a real punk , and we wrote the best ****ing songs together.. so crit this picece please and tell me what you think

oh and it was sang over blusey punk rock


I call it "Pinned", pete called it "****ed again"... mines a little more subtel

Look who?s got the number
Its your brother again
Hes gone and stole your ****
And now he?s got you pinned

Jesus with an axe to strike you in the back
So you can take his place and die for our sins

CHORUS
They?ve got you pinned again
So reach and you reach
But the tables refuse to turn
They?ve got you pinned again
And they preach and they preach
Till your convinced that your gonna burn

Look who?s got the problem
Its your brother again
He got the one up on you
And now he?s got you pinned

Mary with chain to whip you till your sane
And always keep you in the dark

CHORUS

Man its hard to breathe
With your hands on my neck
So I fight back

I fight back (repeated)


(spoken) ?But like they say if you don?t it comes back to **** you over?
#2
Quote by With_The_Bends
Me and a good friend of mine wrote this song the day he had to go back and live in slovakia. This kid was a real punk , and we wrote the best ****ing songs together.. so crit this picece please and tell me what you think

oh and it was sang over blusey punk rock Bluesy Punk Rock?


I call it "Pinned", pete called it "****ed again"... mines a little more subtel

Look who?s got the number
Its your brother again I dont know if i like this line, it just seems to overdone and unoriginal
Hes gone and stole your **** i usually dont use curse words in songs because they make me feel immature. but if it suits your style that ok with me.
And now he?s got you pinned Fine

Jesus with an axe to strike you in the back
So you can take his place and die for our sins ok, nice line with a used metaphore

CHORUS
They?ve got you pinned again
So reach and you reach
But the tables refuse to turn
They?ve got you pinned again
And they preach and they preach
Till your convinced that your gonna burn
Basic chorus, theres nothing wrong with it i like it, i can sense the lyric.

Look who?s got the problem
Its your brother again
He got the one up on you
And now he?s got you pinned
that is a good verse, i like it. it's good because of the "changes" method.

Mary with chain to whip you till your sane
And always keep you in the dark
this continues that religion thing you got going on, i like that mary is there whipping

CHORUS

Man its hard to breathe
With your hands on my neck
So I fight back

I fight back (repeated)
ok, that cool...i like reapeting lines, it makes them more powerfull.


(spoken) ?But like they say if you don?t it comes back to **** you over?
I dont like spoken lines at ends of the songs, seems too much over-thought, makes the writer looks likes his over his head, only songs with lines-political/war songs


there it is...

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Last edited by jagstang270 at Aug 17, 2006,
#3
well that first verse where it say's he got your number and he's gone and stole your f***, ya know its taken from our own lives, ya know your with some girl and you take your eyes of her for one minute and your buddies goes and takes her

this songs all about betrayal, from your friends, your loved ones, from mass religion etc.
#4
as whatever his name is asked, blusey punk? i wanna hear that, anyways i liked the song, maybe disliked the very start before chorus, but from then on it was good. thats all i have to say, really

critting back? my newwest is Another Restless Night, in sig or it should be on the page right now
#5
These lyrics seem like they would be spoken more then sung. Maybe try to like make it flow better, like not so many phrases like "Look who's got the number" or something. It just seems a little choppy IMO.