#1
-Perfect Kind of Something-

Your just like a knife, your always at my back.
Just like the noose that's around my neck.
But your a perfect kind of something.
Like a perfect train wreck.
Your just like a pain that's in my side.
Just like a nightmare your in the back of my mind.
Your a perfect kind of something.
But that something I just cant find.
(chorus)
After all this sh*t ill take another sip i'll let it flow till the end my days.
And with open wrists i'll take one last hit, ill let the smoke roll from my veins
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i know its short but i just thought it up off the top of my head and i want to know if should keep at it or not.


peace out
ColourDef_Clifford
#4
I liked the fact that you're writing about something good, like a perfect kind of something. That's something I not very often do.
#5
Emo Sucks
And My Soul From Out That Shadow That Lies Floating On The Floor, Shall Be Lifted. . . Nevermore.
The Raven -Edgar Allen Poe
(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
<<<<<<<<IT'S A FREAKIN BUNNY!O.o
#6
look its a song IDEA, and it might suck, But whatever it is , its not fu<kin emo, i hate emo probably more than you so how can you tell me what genre of music it is without instruments?
ColourDef_Clifford
#7
I really like this song alot. It has a lot of clever wordplay going on in it, and I find that clever word play make the listener intrested in whats going on in the song, the will try to figure out what your saying. I would defently keep this. But yeah it is kinda short. I don't really know what to say but add another verse or two, and maybe a break. Really good so far.
#8
I agree with some of the previously made points, I liked the way you used your words in th verse and you should try and expand on it. I also liked the 'Perfect kind of something' phrase/theme, especially this 'Your a perfect kind of something.
But that something I just cant find.'

If I were you I might try and put in another word before 'Like a perfect train wreck' to keep add some better flow, I'd don't like that bit for some reason. I don't particually like the chorus too, prehaps it just needs a couple more lines.

Good start, keep working on it.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=6547743#post6547743