#1
Toss and turn,
but it doesn?t help.
wake back up and go downstairs
looks like another sleepless night

Theres to much on my mind
Tried cigarettes to calm me down
but i dont think that ill find
a way to silence these sounds

theres just way to much
going through my head
these thoughts of such and such
they keep me out of bed

Theres to much on my mind
Tried cigarettes to calm me down
but i dont think that ill find
a way to silence these sounds

It feels like i drank a pot of coffee
because this restlessness is absurd

Theres to much on my mind
Tried cigarettes to calm me down
but i dont think that ill find
a way to silence these sounds

ya well its 4 am and i cant sleep and this popped into my head
Quote by GibsonPuppeteer
I've had the tiny ones in my mouth and accidentally swallowed a bit of the liquid, you should be all right.


Quote by xDie_Romanticx
just dont get it in your eyes and wear gloves
#2
lots of viewers no oppinions... ways to fix this would be nice tho cuz im stille a little out of it, i could barely think when i wrote that
Quote by GibsonPuppeteer
I've had the tiny ones in my mouth and accidentally swallowed a bit of the liquid, you should be all right.


Quote by xDie_Romanticx
just dont get it in your eyes and wear gloves
#3
Toss and turn,
but it doesn?t help.
wake back up and go downstairs
looks like another sleepless night
Meh, flow problems here, kind of bland as well.

Theres to much on my mind
Tried cigarettes to calm me down
but i dont think that ill find
a way to silence these sounds
Pretty good here.

theres just way to much
going through my head
these thoughts of such and such
they keep me out of bed
Ugh, I dont like the such and such part.

Theres to much on my mind
Tried cigarettes to calm me down
but i dont think that ill find
a way to silence these sounds

It feels like i drank a pot of coffee
because this restlessness is absurd
Meh, the pot of coffee, makes it sound so childish.

Theres to much on my mind
Tried cigarettes to calm me down
but i dont think that ill find
a way to silence these sounds


Dom't want to sound mean, but I couldn't make myself like this, it wasn't grewt writing, with a few corrections, maybe some more colorful language, it could be good, put in some more imagery, maybe a metaphor or two.

Still hope you can check out mine. First link in my sig.
thx
Last edited by AAA_the_band at Aug 18, 2006,
#4
thanks and ya it is FAR from my best work but thanks for the ideas
Quote by GibsonPuppeteer
I've had the tiny ones in my mouth and accidentally swallowed a bit of the liquid, you should be all right.


Quote by xDie_Romanticx
just dont get it in your eyes and wear gloves