#1
I found this last night and remembered writing it ages ago, I wasn't into lyric writing then, so obviously it needed some tweaking, but it still sounded sort of good anyway. I'm not really sure about it, to me it doesn't flow very well.

So, this isn't usually what I would write, for me its majorly metaphorical. I thinks that how I would say it has more metaphors than usual and symbolism too . I'll leave you too guess what it is about. I', still working on the Rhyming scheme, it seems off in places and there no real text pattern.

Anyway crit for crit as always.

Letters Fall From The Sky

The Iron Curtain falls on me time & time again,
They can't be torn,
But they Keep me warm,
They've kept me on the floor.

Sounds of the voices, rest on impatient ears
Ties have been shredded,
Before they've been tested
And the mist evades the beheading.

Silencing the Devil, to walk along his path,
It's Harder to try
When letters weigh you down, as they fall from the sky.

Seeking for a Haven as the skies rain down
& clouds burn, before they've been set alight
Blazing through the night,
Making it hard to find as the ground suddenly ignites.

Are you finished?
Painting my sky grey.
Are We finished?
Letting the pilot fly the plane.

Crash, Burn, Rest & Think
Letters Fall from the Sky (Again)
.Brand New.Bright Eyes.This Will Destroy You.

THRRRRRRRREADKILLER!
Last edited by Cpt.Jackass at Aug 18, 2006,
#2
I like the beat and the flow. The imagary and meaning is lost to me somewhat. In the context it's used I don't see how mist can be beheaded. It could be I need to read it a few more times. The use of metaphor is intriguing but if the listener can't grasp the meaning......I think it's a great work I would just love to see it come theough a little bit clearer.

Here's mine if you like... https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=416701
Last edited by magicninja_ at Aug 18, 2006,
#3
Quote by magicninja_
I like the beat and the flow. The imagary and meaning is lost to me somewhat. In the context it's used I don't see how mist can be beheaded. It could be I need to read it a few more times. The use of metaphor is intriguing but if the listener can't grasp the meaning......I think it's a great work I would just love to see it come theough a little bit clearer.

Here's mine if you like... https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=416701


Cool thanks, i'll get on it now. The mist being beheaded is personification sort of, mist being ''someone'' who constantly stops a person from seeing what is actually there . I might remove that line though. Thanks for the crit.
.Brand New.Bright Eyes.This Will Destroy You.

THRRRRRRRREADKILLER!
#4
Quote by Cpt.Jackass


Letters Fall From The Sky

The Iron Curtain falls on me time & time again,
They can't be torn,
But they Keep me warm,
They've kept me on the floor.

Sounds of the voices, rest on impatient ears
Ties have been shredded,
Before they've been tested
And the mist evades the beheading.

Letters Fall from the Sky (Again)


it seems like you were going in one direction with these 8 lines and then kind of veered off in some other direction with the rest. over all i liked it. very nice. ++ kudos to the imagery.
LAISSEZ LES BON TEMPS ROULER
Last edited by NotOneWithNames at Aug 22, 2006,
#5
Quote by Cpt.Jackass
I found this last night and remembered writing it ages ago, I wasn't into lyric writing then, so obviously it needed some tweaking, but it still sounded sort of good anyway. I'm not really sure about it, to me it doesn't flow very well.

So, this isn't usually what I would write, for me its majorly metaphorical. I thinks that how I would say it has more metaphors than usual and symbolism too . I'll leave you too guess what it is about. I', still working on the Rhyming scheme, it seems off in places and there no real text pattern.

Anyway crit for crit as always.

Letters Fall From The Sky

The Iron Curtain falls on me time & time again,
They can't be torn,
But they Keep me warm,
They've kept me on the floor.
You're right, the flow definitely is off in this stanza. Pretty ordinary.
Sounds of the voices, rest on impatient ears
Ties have been shredded,
Before they've been tested
And the mist evades the beheading.
This is quite good, except for the last line i feel.
Silencing the Devil, to walk along his path,
It's Harder to try
When letters weigh you down, as they fall from the sky.
Outstanding as the whole piece is concerned.
Seeking for a Haven as the skies rain down
& clouds burn, before they've been set alight
Blazing through the night,
Making it hard to find as the ground suddenly ignites.
Hmm, try re-wording some of the lines here, it will make for better reading.
Are you finished?
Painting my sky grey.
Are We finished?
Letting the pilot fly the plane.
Not keen on this.
Crash, Burn, Rest & Think
Letters Fall from the Sky (Again)
Pretty ordinary ending.


Well, i quite liked it all in all; i just picked out what was wrong.

Mines in my sig if you don't mind.