It's a little short and it get's a little repetitive too. I think you need more dynamics, another verse perhaps and a change in strumming pattern. Good guitar playing and rhythm though, and your voice has ALOT of potential.
thanks man appreciate it..ya this is my first song ive really ever written...can you give me an example of where i should use more dynamics in the song?
As far as recording dynamics, add another guitar and add some percussion stuff. You don't need to add the full drum-kit setup. Even a few brushes in time and some cymbal stuff going on would accent it.

Even if you add a 2nd guitar track where you are playing the exact same thing as the main track, you'll instantly hear a more well-rounded sound. And if you have a 12-string playing under the main rhythm guitar line...oh my....that would sound really sweet.

You've got a great sense of rhythm already so that part is taken care of.
thanks medic. ill try that two guitar deal..could u tell me how to create just a simple drum track maybe?
It would be kinda hard to explain in words. But I have an idea. With your permission, I'll fly your track into my multitracker and see what I can come up with percussion wise, then post it back up here, or send it to you in a PM.

Just to give you an idea of what I'm hearing with this one.
I'm gonna get started on it first thing tomorrow. I just listened to it again, and have an idea of what I'd like to hear.

I've just spent nearly 12 hours working on my latest tune so I'm kinda shot to do it right now. I promise, I'll have something for you no later than tomorrow evening.

Do you want me to PM it to you?
Thats pretty good for your first song man. The only thing I can complain about is the guitar part being kind of repetative, and sometimes your voice gets a little quiet and you dont really sing some of the lyrics as clearly as you could. Overall though, you did a great job. If Medic adds some drums in it should help with the repetativeness. I don't think I am giving you enough praise lol. That is alot better than my first song.
thanks Maj ...Medic i didnt mean you had to rush and do it I mean take your time bud.hahaha i dont need it right away
How do you listen to it? Wont let me :S
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You need to quit bumping your thread. I'm going to let it go this one time, but please try to refrain from just replying to get your thread back to the top.

Now.... on to the song...

While the song is very repetative... your timing is spot on.

You might want to either buy... or make yourself a pop filter for your mic... I can hear too many aspirated consonants while you're recording your vox. A pop filter would get rid of most of those... or you could just back away from the mic a bit. Personally... a pop filter works wonders.
I like it. I really like the quality of your voice. The timing is great. However the guitar tone isn't full enough. Not a huge complaint, but a factor. At 2:50, that little lead is awesome! Great job with that! A bit repetitive but it definitely works if you don't plan on making this to be on the Top 40. It would fit perfectly as a song on a CD of easy listening/acoustic rock. Good job.