#1
I just want some criticism good or bad

"would you Be"

Even though my heart lies in a thousand pieces
I would pick up each and every piece,
fold it in half and sign my name,
Along with "would you be my Valentine?"

Then just like when we were children
I would place them in your Valentines Day bag
Which you decorated so meticulously
With the outlines of hearts and arrows.

Then I could only sit, and watch, and hope,
That you would stumble along at least one of these shattered valentines
In your bag.
A bag that is so full to the brim
With declarations of love from all the other boys in the class.
I sit here now thinking, hoping, wishing that a thousand pledges of my own love
Would be enough to have your heart beat at least once for me
on this day we used to call our own

let me know what you think from any point of view
#2
The first verse is quite good. I like it a lot.

The next too seem entirely too literal... "all the other boys in class," "decorated so meticulously," mentioning the valentine's day bag... it comes across as too specific.

The last 2 lines are good as well.


red
Looking for my India/Django.