#1
NOIR YORK CITY
^ ADD IT AS A FRIEND.

First styled in the new thread post. I felt like writing. Sue me.

Enjoy.

I'll try and crit back.

Mike Alfa Tango Tango India Sierra Alfa Romeo Tango

we waited until the sunrise where our feelings
were beams of light that spun off vinyl records.
and we moved each one of our eyes to the back
of the board so we can start a new game of checkers.
If you jump, I jump, and so waiting the floating ghosts
Of each tense of time, I was waiting for the past,
and she was looking to the future.
I was clearing out my mind,
While she was opening hers with sutures.

A piano lept from the trees into my hands and I played
These winding chords on staircases spines.
Oh how awful those binary digits, those ones and zeroes,
They played virtual twister on a mat of digital heartache,
Robotic spinners and tongue-tied kissers
Are cashing in our this atomic decay that I call love.
I spell it like it sounds, s-h-i-t.

So the day's heat dwindled into night's lust,
And we laughed about the immaturity of it all.
Her eyes evaporating into the air that I could make out
From her cold breath that stemmed from the lungs of a tree.
Her roots were just six feet beneath me, and she was sprouting
Again for fall, again for winter, again for spring, she'll die in the summer
and with that I'll be able to sing.

"My tongue is back, let me sing."
www.facebook.com/longlostcomic
#2
Whoa...

Let me digest this and leave a more detailed account of my thoughts tonight/tomorrow.

They played virtual twister on a mat of digital heartache,

I hope "Mat" was intentional wordplay with your name. If not, well, it did it for me. Then again, great writers do stuff like that unintentionally.

So yeah, raincheck for the moment.
#3
Thanks, I'm glad someone picked up on that, it's basically the whole meaning there, so congrats. :]

anymore?
www.facebook.com/longlostcomic
#6
i like the imagery. and it worked well as a poem. if i was going to add music to it, i would also write a chorus to go in between (maybe something as simple as 'oooohing' if that fitted with the song) i like the name, as well... i wouldnt have clicked on this thread if i hadnt noticed the name. 'matt is art'
#7
Nice. Some of the metaphors/similes were a bit heavy handed, but it was good overall.
-Landon
#9
It was alright. Kinda liked the ending line a bit though, like in a smart-ass witful kind of way.

And your little band-type thing reminds me of The Postal Service, in a way.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching