#1
So this has been something that has been in my head for the last few years. To me it sounds like a break in a song, with very little music, maybe just a bass and some drums behind it.


Its the a race down hill that you just can't win
the barrel of a gun pressed up against your skin
a cut on the arm that just won't heal
constantly resalted so the wound doesn't seal
the ticking of a bomb that will destroy us all
the beauty of a car crashing into a wall
let me find the answer in the mystery of your kiss
as my face crashes into the knuckles of your fist


this is something friends just do for friends
this is something friends just do for friends
this is something
yeah this is something



The italic part is more then likely going to be the end of the chorus but I havn't really figured out the first part. Any ways this is all I have right now but i just wanted to know if you guys think this is good or not. Thanks
#2
I love the first part, the italic doesn't quite to seem to....fit? I'm not sure, but to me it doesn't really fit the style, or give me the same strong feelings I got from the first part.
#3
i agree with akronat. the italicized part just doesn't....mesh
<Han> I love Hitler
#4
i agree with both of them. the rest of the song is really good though
ferret.
#5
Alright so I'm going to take out the this is something part. Thanks for the advice I'll try to crit on some of your songs.