#1
[Peace]

The dove soared, so softly,
so smooth, so free.
A speck of white gliding upon a gilded cream ocean
stretching on to an infinite horizon.
The occasional flutter - wings -
to pull through the invisible weight of the air.
Thick.
Like water.
The eloquence of a dancer,
floating upon silent music in a sky
where time so slowly passes and thus possesses.
An ocean.
Passing mist marbling a hint of grey
onto the white feathers.
High altitude wind, unseen but always felt,
tells a story to even the avian kind.

The sun streams upwards,
reflected from the cloud?s silvering plateau,
creating a watery sunrise. Cream to orange,
to yellow.
Feathers to gold.
Higher now, much higher ?
drifting upwards in search of an opening
in the caramel sea below.
Green.
Far below,
green like black under a clouded sky.
Charcoal in chalk,
standing out in majestic contrast,
easily spied even to the bird?s wary eye.
Diving.
Down, down,
down through the sea,
toward the ground.
Falling.
Flying.
Faster.
So softly and so smooth.
Into the dark abyss.
#2
i like this. very good imagery,and as the title suggests, very peaceful.
<Han> I love Hitler
#3
Quote by Kiwi Ace
[Peace]

The dove soared, so softly,
so smooth, so free.
A speck of white gliding upon a gilded cream ocean
stretching on to an infinite horizon.
The occasional flutter - wings -
to pull through the invisible weight of the air.
Thick.
Like water.
The eloquence of a dancer,
floating upon silent music in a sky
where time so slowly passes and thus possesses.
An ocean.
Passing mist marbling a hint of grey
onto the white feathers.
High altitude wind, unseen but always felt,
tells a story to even the avian kind.

The sun streams upwards,
reflected from the cloud?s silvering plateau,
creating a watery sunrise. Cream to orange,
to yellow.
Feathers to gold.
Higher now, much higher ?
drifting upwards in search of an opening
in the caramel sea below.
Green.
Far below,
green like black under a clouded sky.
Charcoal in chalk,
standing out in majestic contrast,
easily spied even to the bird?s wary eye.
Diving.
Down, down,
down through the sea,
toward the ground.
Falling.
Flying.
Faster.
So softly and so smooth.
Into the dark abyss.
I liked the use of three syllables, rather than the use of one or two. I know its more free form than structured bit but that tiny bit would've made it a bit more smooth. That said this is an amazing piece. Good job.
#4
Hey thanks for Criting my work. Ive added u onto my myspace im ++Kemp++. Yeh these words do evoke peace and serenity. However id like to here it with some music. Because although lyrically it is more then alright, it doesnt really flow that well to me. You have more then compensated for this with your use of imagery. Overall good work, keep it up.
Skemp

METAL UP YOUR ASS
#5
i alway's, if i read a poem, like to imagine how this would sound to music, and i can say this is more like a lyrical intro to a rock ballad to me, and i really like it, its peacefull, not too many words which are ment to make people think your smart or anything, and not affraid to use comon, often used words like abbys and dove. (like, these are used more than half of the time >_< bus in yours you make it not as much about the dove, as you make it about the actions which the dove takes.

damn i love this forum, too many people trying to be smart or/and poetic n_n
n_n~♥