#1
It's just about 2 girls I'm dealing with. crit for crit.


Come With Me

I'm taking time for everything you told me yesterday
Know I think I've changed my mind and now I'm gonna stay
But you know there's someone else so something's going wrong
Somebody get me a cigarette cause everybody's gone

I feel so sick
I wanna leave
Will somebody help me
I wanna go
It's been too long
This is not where I belong

And she said
Come with me
Everything will go away
Come with me
And we'll forget about yesterday
Come with me

I feel so broken up but you make me feel fine
What should I do before it felt like just a waste of time
I thought me feelings for her were gone but I guess i was wrong
Somebody get me a cigarette cause everybody's gone

I feel so sick
I wanna leave
Will somebody help me
I wanna go
It's been too long
This is not where I belong

And she said
Come with me
Everything will go away
Come with me
And we'll forget about yesterday
Come with me

Another day another girl what am I gonna do
When I'm with her It feels so right just like when I'm with you
It's different now cause I can see you fit just right
My feelings for you have a nasty habit of leaving over night

I feel so sick
I wanna leave
Will somebody help me
I wanna go
It's been too long
This is not where I belong

And she said
Come with me
Everything will go away
Come with me
And we'll forget about yesterday
Come with me
Last edited by private at Aug 19, 2006,
#2
I get a Sum41/Blink feel outta this one. I think it's very well done and with the right power chords and vocal harmonies could very well be a #1 hit. The only thing I will say is you could change the wording (as the song progresses) in the prechorus and/or the chorus to give it a little variety.

Here's a poem I did: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=416701
#3
I think you can erase all links to the punk genre, lines like "I feel so sick/I wanna leave/Somebody help me" are not punk.

I'll say to you what I'e said to several others this evening. Try to use metaphors and imagery to spice up your writing. they are not th eonly techniques, but they are two of the best that can turn a piece around. Check out the lyrics tips thread for a start into writing techniques.