let me know what your all think. thanks stephen

The Deed


Why the remorse my young little lad

You?ve done a kind deed

That?s all I wish I could have

You did as you were asked

Nothing more, nothing less

Now come here, I?ll help you dry off


The rain drops spattered down

As all sounds were calm

The quiet deed has been done


Ten years have passed since that night

All forgot about this lad

Until one day they found him

On the ground with a rifle (shotgun?) in hand

Was this suicide, or had this been planned

Chorus/Bridge II

His body?s been mangled

His face was skewed

The clues were too few

Middle eight/ True bridge

His boy is still there

But its been stabbed

Where?s the culprit, and the knife he had

The shotgun was empty, a shell on the ground

Now were is that blood hound


Over the stream and next to a stump

A body was down, fallen and dumped

Its been too long to judge the cause

But one would assume the mystery is solved
Intriguing story.

I like how the last line doesn't have the inevitable rhyme therefore giving a sot of "is it really solved" feel to the piece.

I think you had the story in mind, and have set about itin the right way. However, I think you could do with some stronger imagery, just to add a bit more to this.

Good start, but it cold be improved.

If you could, my latest is in my sig. Many thanks.
I like the concept of the song, but it dosent really seem to flow, but that is probably just how I am reading it, any ideas on genre of music? I could picture like Bob Dylan singing something like this.
Quote by Encore_God
The School of Blues is the same place as the University of Life, friend.


Epiphone Les Paul
Fender Stratocaster
Crate GTX212
i think i am going to be doing some picking, but i dont know exactly how yet. i am just waiting to figure out the right music.