#1
Another creation of mine, feel free to crit.

As another friendship fades
On this cold, damp night
I wonder if the universe that we created
Is out of reach and sight

My heart bleeds for you
My brain can't think of words to say
So I slur through this attempt

This safe haven that I had
The warmth of our galaxy
Smashed into a vortex of dark
As you walk into the distance

My safety in your soul
Your voice, the soothing siren
Yet, in my memories
The beauty that you posess is a slur.
My gear:

MIJ Squier Stratocaster

Washburn WR150 Quilted Top

Oscar Schmidt Semi-hollow Delta King

Epiphone Hummingbird

Amps: Fender Eighty-Five
#2
I enjoyed this. At first I didn't see anything to great but then i played my guitar to it ( I was playing today by the smashing pumpkins to it) and i just really started to like it. It's very short, though, I might be missing something here though, like you repeating stuff or it's more instrumental, or you're just writing, whatever, and it get's just a little confusing, but just a little. So overall, i liked it. If you'd be so kind...

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=387387
#3
It's ok. Could be longer. The slur references are the only parts that stick out to me.
Main Gear:
Cort G-Series 254
Takamine EG345C 12-String
Fender Squier P-Bass

Peavey Classic 50
Laney HCM65B

$75 Junk Drums w/ B8 Hats/Crash/Ride
#4
Hey,
I thought this was pretty good. The only that I would suggest you perhaps reconsider is the "my heart bleeds for you" line. In my opinion, blood/bleeding is used more than it should be, but that's just my thought.

Overall, I liked it. Keep up the good work.
- PunkFish.
#5
Thanks for the critiques.
My gear:

MIJ Squier Stratocaster

Washburn WR150 Quilted Top

Oscar Schmidt Semi-hollow Delta King

Epiphone Hummingbird

Amps: Fender Eighty-Five