#1
I just wrote this a few moments ago and looking for some crit. It's pretty obvious what it's about.

My Love Story

This is my love story

Passion
Weakness
LAPSE
Wither

This is my love story
This is a love story
This is my love story
Just short of symmetry

Be humbled
Be ashamed
Feel remorse
Feel ruined

This is my love story
This is a love story
This is my love story
Just short of symmetry

This is my love story
#2
in my opinion its a bit short and it could use some more varities of Rhymn, it doesn't flow very well right now, i think the theme is nice because you can put your emotion in it.


its not so good but can become with some adjustments


Pyro
We have just 1 world but we live in different ones!
#3
In my opinion it would be better if you made the one-word and two-word stanza's full lines so that you can elaborate more. Not to be offensive but just to illustrate the point; anyone can think of single words, but it's explaining them and crafting each word as a theme into a line that is tougher and more artistic.

Just a thought,
Cheers,
- Neil
#4
truesay punkfish.
one word lines in a stanza is just a cop out. it must've taken you all of five minutes to bosh this one out.
develop them more and it could be salvaged, but as is, its just bland and tedious, and possibly even a little pointless.

peace out.
--------------------i'm definitely the alphaest male here--------------------
#6
Quote by Pyro666
in my opinion its a bit short and it could use some more varities of Rhymn, it doesn't flow very well right now, i think the theme is nice because you can put your emotion in it.


its not so good but can become with some adjustments


Pyro


I agree 100% with pyro on this one. it is short and shows no emotion and doesn't rhyme or flow at all. needs work but if you work on it it'll get better, trust me, peace Mace

Critique for critique