#1
This is the beggining of a song that im working on. Its a punk/poppunk song but its not finished yet. Tell me what you think.

Deep Fried Sushi

I need a song for my band,
A song for my band,
Another stupid song about,
Teenagers holding hand,
It's brilliantlly stupid,
And completely inconclusive,
Dont you know by know,
Your style is out,

Its like deep fried sushi,
At 3 AM
It makes no sense at all,
Just there to...,
Baffle inoccent people,
Like you and me.
#2
okay. the first verse was cool, the next part, I guess it's the chorus is not the best.at all.
#3
Quote by alaub1491
This is the beggining of a song that im working on. Its a punk/poppunk song but its not finished yet. Tell me what you think.

Deep Fried Sushi

I need a song for my band,
A song for my band,
Another stupid song about,
Teenagers holding hand,
It's brilliantlly stupid,
And completely inconclusive,
Dont you know by know,
Your style is out,


I felt the inner rhytmn breaking at the last two lines, other than that, I really enjoyed the "theme" of writing a song just because you need to write a song

Its like deep fried sushi,
At 3 AM
It makes no sense at all,
Just there to...,
Baffle inoccent people,
Like you and me.

Here's where I feel the song falls apart. It's too evident you wrote this in haste... it really doesn't make any sense. I like the concept of fried sushi, but I'm sure you could further expand this song, maybe give it a meaning?


Overall fun song