#1
It's Gotta Be One Or The Other (I'm Your's Alone)

When you find someone so special to you you just write it's cool. When you submit it to UG for reviewing you think it's good. I think it's good coz it came from me, but honestly tell me what you think and also leave a link to a song so i can c4c. Thanks.

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I can't begin to understand,
But I'm here to hold your hand,
And you are the girl he wants,
And through the blinds he taunts,

Give up with me before it's too late,
Drop me like a bad idea, before you regret,

Say what are you here for,
Moving in your own way,
Do you want me more,
Are you here to stay,
I love you too but it's just not the same,
He's got everything and well you're so lame,

So where does that leave us,
Why do I cause such a fuss,
I think I'd call it a thrill,
But him, I could easily kill,

Give up with me before it's too late,
Drop me like a bad idea, before you regret,

Say what are you here for,
Moving in your own way,
Do you want me more,
Are you here to stay,
I love you too but it's just not the same,
He's got everything and well you're so lame,

More for us to share,
More for me to care,

*Guitar Solo*

Say what are you here for,
Moving in your own way,
Do you want me more,
Are you here to stay,
I love you too but it's just not the same,
He's got everything and well you're so lame,

I'm not to share...
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Notes:

Final chorus has the lyrics "More for us to share, More for us to care" repeated in the background
The last line "I'm not to share" is sung with no instruments then an instrument crash (all instruments play one note and the drums have a cymbal crash)


Cheers guys c4c as always
Songs working on :

Nitelife
Last edited by J_J_Kool at Aug 20, 2006,
#2
Dude, two words: forced...rhyming.

I can't begin to understand,
But I'm here to hold your hand,
And you are the girl he wants,
And through the blinds he taunts,

if you cant begin to understand something then how can you write a convincing song about it?
and the last line sounds sooo forced


Give up with me before it's too late,
Drop me like a bad idea, before you regret,

Say what are you here for,
Moving in your own way,
Do you want me more,
Are you here to stay,
I love you too but it's just not the same,
He's got everything and well you're so lame,

The use of the word lame in a serious song sounds...well, lame.
its like a kid with a limited vocab wrote it.


So where does that leave us,
Why do I cause such a fuss,
I think I'd call it a thrill,
But him, I could easily kill,

Once again, it sounds forced (specifically the last line). generally if you need to rearrange a sentance into something somebody would never say just to rhyme, then scrap it. it'll only sound forced. and what would you call a thrill? you just say "it"

Give up with me before it's too late,
Drop me like a bad idea, before you regret,

Say what are you here for,
Moving in your own way,
Do you want me more,
Are you here to stay,
I love you too but it's just not the same,
He's got everything and well you're so lame,

More for us to share,
More for me to care,

*Guitar Solo*

Say what are you here for,
Moving in your own way,
Do you want me more,
Are you here to stay,
I love you too but it's just not the same,
He's got everything and well you're so lame,

I'm not to share...

It seems pretty devoid of emotion, but that is mainly down to the restrictive rhyme scheme. rhyming consistently is fine, but not if you have to sacrifice content to make it rhyme. if i were you then id take all the ideas you expressed in the song and restart it, just tightening everything up until it fits and doesnt sound forced.
Oh, and if you feel the need to tell people where the solo is in a song, then it shows you arent thinking enough about the lyrics, and are thinking to much about the song as a whole (despite the fact that it hasnt even been fully composed yet)
another couple of rewrites should sort things out.


Peace out
--------------------i'm definitely the alphaest male here--------------------