this sounds more like a poem than anything i guess. i wrote it watching the sun come up in my backyard this morning. id like feedback from anyone with the time.


sometimes its better
to let your vision blur
and not see the world
in such stark definition

to let life bleed
into your subconscious
enjoy a sunrise
to feel affirmation

to kiss the sky
while lives crumble everywhere
but laughing quietly
cause you'll still be there

watching as the ripples make connections
starring deep into empty reflections
im still thinking . . .

count every leaf
every blade of grass
each one fading
into the masses
trying not to blink
behind broken glasses

rays of sun
penetrate cold earth
bringing the pulse of life
back into a steady rhythm

countless heartbeats
joining to embrace
the dawn's early yawns
as life falls back into it's system

clarity without focus
desire neglecting purpose

the day blooms and withers before us
I have to admit that this was a beautiful poem. The flow was really nice and the language you used was excellent. Seriously, I have nothing bad to say about it. Anyways, keep up the good work.

Crit mine please

This is definitely poetic. It's mature and well thought out.

It almost reminds me of stuff I've written, yet I suck at writing poems that combine nature and dispositions, which you did here pretty well.

I'd have to say I liked the first 4 or 5 stanzas the best.

The rhyming isn't perfect, but it flows well enough.

Keep up the good work.