#1
Verse 1

I woke up dreaming, that I was awake
Thinking of answers, to help me escape
Emotions I drained, equaled future scepticisms
Frankly it seems too small

Chorus

Madness Madness tired drained eyes
Feeling the pressure inside my mind
Madness Madness tired drained people
I'll stand tall below this steple

Verse 2

I fell asleep thinking that i was dreaming
Inside me I was broken
Just like a toy that a dog gets bored of and does not use
It's my life times 10 divided by 100

Chorus

Madness Madness tired drained eyes
Feeling the pressure inside my mind
Madness Madness tired drained people
I'll stand tall below this steple

Please let me know what you think of this. I have been working on this for 6 years and finally I feel like I'm at a point where it's finished.

Cheers
#2
I definetly like this, the only thing i think you should change is "Just like a toy that a dog gets bored of and does not use". I think you can come up with a better analogy for this. Also i think "Frankly it seems to small" doesn't flow well with the rest of that stanza, but you could be doing that for effect.
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#3
Wow, I really like this, but I agree with Lessthanbass22, the dog toy part doesnt really fit as well. I really like the analogy "its my life times 10 divided by a hundred". Get it? Cause that's zero!! The chorus really flows well too.

Good work


Edit: I also really like how you linked te two opening lines for both verses.

" I woke up dreaming I was awake"
and
" I fell asleep thinking I was dreaming"

Cutos my friend, nicely done.


Edit2: Oh, do you think you could look over my song and let me know what you think?

[HTML] https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=418835 [/HTML]

Hmm, I dunno if that link worked or not..I shall see..
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Last edited by greendayguitar at Aug 21, 2006,
#4
very nice
i also like the
I woke up dreaming I was awake"
and
" I fell asleep thinking I was dreaming"
very clever you made me think while reading about what you were saying
liked it very much