#1
This a song I wrote about family violence so give me a crite please
Oh yeah and don't say it's emo cuz it ain't

Verse:
Why didn't I lock my bedroom door
To block out all the screaming and to ignore
The violence it makes me wanna go insane
You've tortured me for way too long
I'll never be the same

Chorus:
And today I'll make it on my own
(I don't need you anymore)
And today I'll never be the same
(Cuz you took it all away)

Verse2:
Screaming your always screaming
We never just talk to each other any more
I'm leaving I've been here for way too long
This pain is to hard to bare
So good bye and so long

Chorus x2.........

end

Crit4Crit
#2
Screaming you're always screaming

This pain is too hard to bear


A couple little corrections.

While the idea is good, it's pretty straightforward and simple. You'd be surprised at what good can come out of cracking open a thesaurus and refining some little lines like "I don't need you anymore", just so it can become less cliched.

#4
Although most of what you wrote is good, I have to agree with Zamboni when he says it is quite cliche. I think the theme is good (if not cliche) but I think you should think about rewriting this, using richer vocabulary, maybe some poetic devices, etc. Just make it a bit richer.

A good start.

Could you please crit one of mine? Take your pick from my sig. Thanks!