#1
sorry about that before i was in a hurry and didnt read rules good
will crit for crit


Keep this love sake rid
Just like before
Nothing really matters to me anymore
But I?m always trying to think
And I can?t take this sh*t anymore

Deep inside your mind I find leeches
Sucking you dry
And soon your mind will be empty and untrue
But in starlight ill kiss you
Although your eyes are so empty
But along I new
we'd carry on
but were will we go , were will we go
soon ill no


I promise you your my lover
I?ll help you feel happy
When the darkness reveals
But tonight there?s no reason to fear
to overcome all will help you get to it
And I won?t let you go

Drain you
Drain you of your evil thoughts
Helping you forever more
drain you
drain you of till its all better
for you and me
Last edited by ava_adore666 at Aug 22, 2006,
#2
hmmm ok i think its pretty good so far
but it needs some work
i get a bit confused during it
i dont know exactly wat your tryin to say here
but good.. for a start
#5
It's one of my favourite Nirvana songs, with some totally awesome lyrics. But that has nothign to do with YOUR piece, so I digress.

It feels like an overdone, unoriginal topic, but the choice of words is far from that. There are some things that aren't quite exciting, such as 'I promise you your my one and only' but that can't really be helped in anything. Decent, but I'm sure you can find room to improve it.

Crit mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=418403