#1
alright so this is my second thread i took some of you guys' advice made my lines longer and stuff on this song but i still need some help with alotta parts i'll try to crit4crit


I woke up today
Feeling Okay
Finally hoping for a good day
As the morning went on
The good didnt last long
And i found I had lost the fun


Nobody wants to be with me when im alone
And I feel like no one cares
Cant you see I'm desperate by my tone
Now I'm feeling scared
When it seems like no one wants you here
Your mind says you know they're right
And then i guess you'll fall my dear
And Kill yourself tonight


I woke up last night
Not feeling alright
I could already tell of the fight
I couldnt get back to sleep
Afraid I was a freak
Afraid I had already lost me

Nobody wants to be with me when im alone
And I feel like no one cares
Cant you see I'm desperate by my tone
Now I'm feeling scared
When it seems like no one wants you here
Your mind says you know they're right
And then i guess you'll fall my dear
And Kill yourself tonight

And now i suppose theres nothing
Nothing for me at all
I know when you look at me you see nothing
So tonight I'll fall
Dont be sad, Dont cry for me
You all knew this was how it would end
Now i guess i'm finally free
Free from your lies my so called family and friends

meh not one of my better ones but its all i could come up with i think im havin a bit of a block.. and i need more help on the title
#2
"I woke up today
Feeling Okay
Finally hoping for a good day
As the morning went on
The good didnt last long
And i found I had lost the fun"

Rhymes are forced, though if you changed the last line you could make a okay really fast powerchord type song

"Nobody wants to be with me when im alone
And I feel like no one cares
Cant you see I'm desperate by my tone
Now I'm feeling scared"
I dont like this being a part of the chorus it would be okay as a bridge

"When it seems like no one wants you here
Your mind says you know they're right
And then i guess you'll fall my dear
And Kill yourself tonight"
Now heres where with some tweaking makes for a great chorus with some drumming afterward

"I woke up last night
Not feeling alright
I could already tell of the fight
I couldnt get back to sleep
Afraid I was a freak
Afraid I had already lost me"
I dont really like this sounds way to forced

"And now i suppose theres nothing
Nothing for me at all
I know when you look at me you see nothing
So tonight I'll fall
Dont be sad, Dont cry for me
You all knew this was how it would end
Now i guess i'm finally free
Free from your lies my so called family and friends"
Im indecisive on this part, it doesnt seem to flow with what i think of this song.

Now onto the name, im thinking "Freinds call me nothing, Liars call me something" Though thats just cause i love to overdo titles.

I come up with them buy listening to alot of the type of music i want to write while im getting tired cause then when i try to fall asleep i think of the music and all kinds of ideas pop into my head, which i then write down or run to my computer to type them.