#1
Ok, well i haven't been on lately, surprise, i'm back.
And with it comes my latest change in writing, hopefully you enjoy this more than my traditional stuff...

These songs were written for someone who i can't have, this first song "Your Demise" is the first bit, i'm writing a story/movie and it has this music playing in it, once i've recorded it i'll put it on my Dmusic site and you'se can have a listen but anyway, here you go...

"Your Demise"

Fill yourself with light
and little whispered dreams
Everything you are means
Everything to me

And i'll be your demise
As long as you'll be mine
So come and live with me
In dream

Everything you say
And everything you do
It screams to me in blue
The sky is light tonight
With seventeen candles lit
By the strands of your hair

And i'll be your demise
As long as you'll be mine
So come and live with me
In Dream

Love is nothing but hate deception and life
So come and help me live this lie
And i'll pretend to pretend to pretend
That this is a real life, that this is THE REAL LIFE

And i'll be your demise
As long as you'll be mine
So fill yourself with light
And come live with me in dream

Everythign you means
Everything to me
So come and live with me in dream

(A'cappella)
and i'll be your demise
As long as you'll be mine
So come and live with me in dream

(Single guitar chords)
And everything you means everything to me
So come and be my dream

_________________________________________________

Now there's two other installments so far, this song's just acoustic, in my head there's a harmony line but it's not on paper yet so we have to wait and see...

Hopefully you like this, sorry about the repetitiveness, but that's how it's sung, i missed out the Ooo's that weren't needed and the repeated bits (the songs about 6 minutes long) so i hope you enjoy

If you don't understand then make something up, it'll make you look smarter
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#2
uhhhhhhhh, it was alright, I think. But it seemed a little redundant with the chorus after every verse...... which brings me to my first question, do you know what "demise" means???????? It doesnt sound as if in the right context.

As for the rest of it I didn't really like it. Well, I couldn't feel your emotion within the lyrics and it made it quite boring. And I think you should be less redundant with a few verses.

Well, that's all.
#3
i'm not critting it right now i'm tired but i'll crit later. jsut saying hey whats up? and giving you a nice little bump.
Can you see in the dark? Can you see the look on your face?
#4
too many choruses... i would miss out the first and third ones, so there are two verses in between each chorus. i like the song overall, if youve written a guitar part for it, then it probably sounds a lot better.
#5
Haha, what a stpuid question "Do i know what demise means", yes i do.

Demise means ending, destruction, finishing of something. therefore "I'll be your demise" would mean, i'll be your end/ending. There's a story behind it, mainly, the second installment which i'm about to put up explains it better. This song was written for her, trust me the emotions there the Choruses need to be there, instrumentals are what helps this song and they're in between the choruses. They're there for a reason.

There's a guitar part too so yeah. Love songs don't have to be happy

THanks for your crits though, anymore?
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#6
do you know what demise means? haha
Yeah man too many choruses and the acapella lines are too long. and the piece is kind of short and repetative. as well. I mean it's decent i guess but it could be vastly improved. you basically have a 3 verse son and a chorus and you repeat the chorus way way too much. it's like beating a dead horse. with all those chorus' anyways. yeah
Can you see in the dark? Can you see the look on your face?
#7
Quote by Auals
Haha, what a stpuid question "Do i know what demise means", yes i do.

Demise means ending, destruction, finishing of something. therefore "I'll be your demise" would mean, i'll be your end/ending. There's a story behind it, mainly, the second installment which i'm about to put up explains it better. This song was written for her, trust me the emotions there the Choruses need to be there, instrumentals are what helps this song and they're in between the choruses. They're there for a reason.

There's a guitar part too so yeah. Love songs don't have to be happy

THanks for your crits though, anymore?


Ok, it seemed out of context cause the next line. SORRY, I now look like a total dumbass.......