#1
Hey this is my first poem/possible song that I have ever submitted to ultimate guitar. It's not complete since it lacks a lot of organization...and so forth. But i'd just like to get some opinions about it, maybe ways to change some things up since i really dont write much, i just felt the need to latley cause i have so much bottled up inside. Sorry if there are any spelling errors, or grammar errors. This is poem/song about someone that I have been with for four years now and i want to show her how much she means to me through words and possibly my guitar. Any thoughts, crit, anything would be much appreciated. thanks so much.

An October Kind of Love

The autumn air was gracious that day
on an october morning that gave you away.
you smiled at me with those bright blue eyes
it was the first time we kissed without the lies.

Memories of each year pass through my mind
of how a girl like you could be so kind.
we talked for hours almost everynight
about how our lives felt so very bright.

we are unbreakable in the eyes of others
our relationship is strong, it isn't a cover.
battling through the good and the bad
we would always say sorry, we could never stay mad.

When you left for Poland my heart quickly dropped
i felt myself let go and i fell from the top.
one year away from you was all i could take
i waited for you not wanting it to break.

through the madness of the past we somehow stand
together and strong as we walk hand in hand.
I have so much to thank you for i dont know where to start
except telling you thanks for giving me your heart.

I've changed on my own terms to become a better lover
i'd rather be with you than with someone other.
so when you read this, take your hand in mine
i wont lie, or break promises, trust me this time.

We're four years down this same rocky road
my feelings haven't changed they are still feel like gold.
listen when i say i love you more than anything in the world
i'll never let you go, not even for another girl.

They say everything good eventually comes to an end
but what im feeling for you now is something that will never bend.
i made a promise to love you like no other man could
i'll give you my heart way more than i should.

I've made some mistakes which i'll always regret
not telling you the truth was as hard as it gets.
i've cleaned up my act and im a changed guy
im going to give you something that money can't buy.

I'm tired of writing letters to myself
where i put them in a box that sits on the shelf.
this one is meant for someone to read
i poured my heart into it and felt it bleed.

please believe in what i say
because everything I do
it's all for you.
#2
the last line reminds me of that bryan adams song. sounds like talking. but anyway, i think it's simple and evokes romance.
#3
thank you, i kind of thought that it reminded me of another song also (the last line) im probably going to pull it out of there since im not one to take other peoples ideas. thanks for the comments though.
#5
great job. fun read. there were a few things that seemed a little "bumpy", but good job. i can relate.

Edit: GREAT title. . . . .
LAISSEZ LES BON TEMPS ROULER
#6
i like the scheme. the only part i didn't like is the poland part, maybe u shouldn't give a spsecififc place, but thats jus my opinion and maybe others like it but i like the scheme.