#1
crit4crit

CREATOR/DESTROYER

Prying coffin lids open
Stealing souls from Hades
Hoping and waiting
Plans built on rage
Everything will fall into place
For I have seen it
It is written in manuals
If you would just read it

Go and make them pay
Go and avenge my name
I gave you life
Through this circuitry
Don't you dare
Turn your back on me

It looks confused
Though I am amused
For I have done it
This monstrosity
Will carry out the covenant
Born of vengeance
Born only to rob their lives
Kill them, kill them alll tonight

Go and make them pay
Go and avenge my name
I gave you life
Through this circuitry
Don't you dare
Turn your back on me
Last edited by themarsvolta at Aug 24, 2006,
#2
Frankenstien?

You did good with this, I wouldn't change a thing about it.
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#3
Consistent tone, pacey flow and good (though maybe a bit cliche) ideas.

I can only say go through and check your spelling and grammar, and maybe add some more punctuation in there.

Jamie.