#1
I understand that the title is long, but hey, if you've got a better idea let me know. I'm not stuck on it. Anyway, it's "inspired", you might say, on a movie I recently watched. So yeah, interpret as you wish, if you leave me a link I'll get to something of yours. Thanks much.

That Day You Sent Me Out To Change The World

[whispered]That day you sent me out to change the world...

[sung from here]
Go, you said, and do great things
Ill be with you
Run, you cried, or you'll be killed
I'll be with you

And fires rage while children die
Smoke and souls haze the sky
Are you still with me?

Soar, you said, you've already tried
I'll be with you
Recant, you screamed, or be released
I'll be with you

Now good men kill while women cry
Angels' tears fall from the sky
Are you still with me?

[whispered]...Did you not think we'd have to face the consequences?
#2
Hey, I like the start you have made here. It seems a bit short.
Anyway I imagine this song acoustic yeah heres what i think.

Quote by amy_09
I understand that the title is long, but hey, if you've got a better idea let me know. I'm not stuck on it. Anyway, it's "inspired", you might say, on a movie I recently watched. So yeah, interpret as you wish, if you leave me a link I'll get to something of yours. Thanks much.

That Day You Sent Me Out To Change The World

[whispered]That day you sent me out to change the world...
This bit I like it sets a mood for the song, maybe it could be longer though and not so blunt.
[sung from here]
Go, you said, and do great things
Ill be with you
Run, you cried, or you'll be killed
I'll be with you
This is good it gets the message across but alittle bland.

And fires rage while children die
Smoke and souls haze the sky
Are you still with me?
This part has good imagery i like it. It flows. best part of the song.

Soar, you said, you've already tried
I'll be with you
Recant, you screamed, or be released
I'll be with you
this is good but it starts to finish the song off though so more i would say should be added before this.

Now good men kill while women cry
Angels' tears fall from the sky
Are you still with me?
nice one of the better parts.


[whispered]...Did you not think we'd have to face the consequences?

Sweet as ending that ends on a good note and paints a good last picture

Anyway i hope a have been a little help

later
#5
I was gonna do a full crit, but there isn't much i have to say.
I loved the ending and I liked the rest of it.
The repetition of the "I'll be with you" line got a bit boring to tell you the truth. I liked it in the first stanza but after that. . . it just seems like there is something else you could use.
You've done a good job though, well done.
#7
This was pretty good work. Nice. Solid effort. Love the quote. Keep it up
Run, Run Farmer. Screaming! Bloody Murder
The daughters of question have been murdered!
Murdered! Murdered!
#9
I like most of the song, I think its really good, a little short but the one thing i really dont like about it is the repetativness of "I'll be with you", I think maybe you could have that less and fill it in with a better line, but overall great job
Check for "Taking a Picture (Won't capture this)
#10
I realize that I'm not supposed to bump (and I apologize) but I really did make a change here........... See what you think:

That Day You Sent Me Out To Change The World

[whispered]That day you sent me out to change the world...

[sung from here]
Go, you said, and do great things
Ill be with you
Run, you cried, or you'll be killed
I'll be with you

And fires rage while children die
Smoke and souls haze the sky
Are you still with me?

Soar, you said, you've already tried
I'll wait you
Recant, you screamed, or be released
I'll wait for you

Now good men kill while women cry
Angels' tears fall from the sky
Are you still with me?

[whispered]...Did you not think we'd have to face the consequences?
#12
I like it very much it has a fast power metal feel to it, at least in my head , and the content is great especialy the last line is great; dont realy have much to say about it, for me its a 10. The only thing maybe wrong with it is that it is so short.
Crit mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=423042
London city(with mk IV mod) 50 watt tube
Vox AD15VT
Marshall 1960 4x12 cab
EH Big muff (SU )
Squier strat (customized w/ emg's and fender parts)
Ibanez acoustic (with active pu)
Ibanez 12string acoustic
www.myspace.com/tubelightband
#13
yea...a lil short, but overall really good. No crits, sorry
get to mine
#14
cool, kind of like a song my x girlfriend wrote... sort of depressing... but cool. check my stuff out.

Froth in the Tear Mug
Living Faith
Snowball
#17
wow, that is beautiful. It does sound like an acoustic song. In fact, I think it is just an Acoustic/singin song. No drums or bass, but thats just me.
Seattle Seahawks


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#18
I like it especially this part...
Now good men kill while women cry
Angels' tears fall from the sky
Are you still with me?

I like the metaphor...i'm assuming that Angel's tears is the rain falling....

Anyway, I agree this song is kinda short but I go with if its good, it doesn't matter short or long it is....

Here's mine when you get a chance-
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=445209&highlight=Long+Run
and
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=445204&highlight=Long+Run