#1
crit for crit...
8/24/06
I?m Sorry
Sitting down now I don?t know what to say.
I?m sorry this didn?t turn out okay.
I tried to make it alright. I did.
But we don?t go together. We just won?t ever fit.
Remember when we were young and cared.
But like they all say, nothing is ever fair.
I wish I could go back to being what I was.
But I?m who I am. No going back, I?m done.
Just another painted face in a magazine.
All the fake plastic girls? worst dream.
Listen to the news, new exclusive story.
Telling everyone what happened to me.
Saying I?m okay so they leave me alone.
They?ll remember me forever, you know.
They?ll know me as the one who just didn?t make it.
This isn?t how I wanted to get famous.
Cover of People, US Weekly, and Times.
The story of how we all mess up our lives.
So don?t live it like me. Don?t do what you see.
Make sure you listen ?cause government?s a good thing.
Look at that girl, look what she didn?t do.
She wasn?t as good, she didn?t turn out like you.
Look at how she dresses, what she did to her wrists.
Look at her makeup, she just doesn?t fit
Don?t ruin yourself, baby, that?s what they?re all saying.
Just leave it behind. Don?t wanna be recognized.
In the grocery store or walking home from school.
Hey, you?re that girl aren?t you, you?re just so not cool.
Maybe if you had this you?d understand what I?ve gone through.
But you?re fine, so I?ll just ignore you.
I?m the one who didn?t turn in her test.
The one who didn?t do ?right? like all the rest.
So listen to the news. Learn from what I did wrong.
Thanks now I don?t know where I belong.
If I hadn?t messed up, I would be a model student.
On the honor roll that they say in the news.
Be like everyone else, untrue to myself.
But thanks to you tonight, I think I?m alright.
-Caryn
Last edited by greendayforever at Aug 25, 2006,
#3
i like it. it's simplistic in the presentation and rhyme scheme, but it's unpretentious and honest, and it keeps an easy, constant pace throughout. you laid yourself bare in the simplest terms. good stuff.

--jay
#5
i love songs that just put out their feelings and are well done, like this one, good work, really liked it
#7
Hey thanks for my crit, by the way. I liked this too, though I'm not a huge fan of the "aa,bb" rhyme scheme, you at least did it properly. In my opinion the first quarter of this really isn't needed too much, it seems a little bland and dull but when you start to dive into the magazines and fake plastic girls part, I think the Interesting Factor picks up and makes it end strong. I really dug it dude, good job.
Cheers,
- PunkFish.
#8
Wow, your lyrics seem really inspred. I like it. I can only imagine the melody you have planned.

When it is done and recorded send me a pm. I would like to hear it.