#1
Hey, if the rhythm seems off, keep in mind that this is written in 3/4 (sorry about the /, had to do it). I'd really really appreciate you telling me what you think. Leave a link and I'll crit you back.

Verse 1
If you wanted to tell me
You just had to write
I'm a phone-call away
We could talk through the night
But your not that interested
in being depicted
As someone who goes for the throat.

Chorus
So come get the honour
of being the author
of a book entitled
"How to Destroy".
I won't hold it against you
for all you put me through
I know it's the price that you
pay to be rich and alone.

Verse 2
Deep in the jungle
a gun-shot explodes
and the cry of success
is a voice that you know.
But here in the desert
When Miami shivers
A man can't come in from the cold.

Chorus
So come get the honour
of being the author
of a book entitled
"How to Destroy".
I won't hold it against you
for all you put me through
I know it's the price that you
pay to be rich and alone.

Chorus
So come get the honour
of being the author
of a book entitled
"How to Destroy".
I can't hold it against you
for all you put me through
It's only the price that we
pay to be rich and alone.
*********
Let me know what you think.
Cheers,
- PunkFish.
#3
^ Not really much of a crit mate.

I think that whatever you were trying to say is slightly shrouded by some quite good yet complicated descriptions. Such as in Verse 2 I really wasnt quite sure what you are talking about in the last three lines.

I mentioned them being quite good, they are. You have obviously thought about this and when keeping to a specific rhythm this must be pretty hard. I commend you for that.

The chorus especially I thought was quite well written, although I think that you should have some variation in the lyrics of the last two ones. At the moment this song will be quite short and simple which will not do the lyrics justice. I advise variating the last two or adding a bridge or another verse.

In conclusion I reckon that with a few minor adjustments this could a very good piece, although I do think that its pretty damn good even if you didnt do anything to change it. Well done!

Quote by Robbie n strat
In the changing rooms we'd all jump around so our dicks and balls bounced all over the place, which we found hilarious.



Little children should be felt, not heard.
#4
Pretty cool writing. I actually thought it was pretty clear (as opposed to what notoriousnumber said). Maybe not inasmuch as you could understand it casually, but it made since to me when I put the peices together. I really liked the rhyming here and the sound, especially in the chorus. The chorus was also the place where the rhythm seemed off to me, but that might be a product of your writing it in 3/4. Overall, really good peice. Crit my latest if you have a chance (Untitled in my sig). Thanks.
#5
Not a bad song needs more material though, I dont undrestand what your on about in the whole of the second verse. it sounds good but just doesnt fit with the rest. i also kinof dont understand the rest of the song the chorus sounds like a guy writes an evil book gets rich from it then thats the price he pays is that it

good song though 7/10
if it has a good tune

crit my only song https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=398756&highlight=biker+man thanks


sorry my crit isnt well written im not good at stuff like that