#1
This will be hard going, so I added a couple of definitions;

Anathema -
1. a person or thing detested or loathed.
2. a person or thing accursed or consigned to damnation or destruction.
3. a curse; execration.

Peste -
1. french for plague

Also the numbers have relevance.

ANATHEMA

"Sixteen days remain."

"Anathema, is upon us!
And this is my Job."


Light
With each minute past, a dark sheltered caste crawls forth,
over door stops and handles, panes and overshadowed candles,
light pours through a casually guided curtain,
with misguided hope -
to contemplate its contrasts over porous silhouettes.
"Does he that sees in the dark, walk a path unto the light?"

Plague
Precariously poised,
a symmetrically,
a portrait cautiously escapes the chaos of St. Vitas Dance
as outlines manifest a form, fraught with
quiet trepidation, and
tired concentration,
across its coarsely faded face
with a wre'ched variance on haste.

"Twenty two days have passed."

Death
Resounding around this caisson room with echoes thrice as loud,
a voice equivocally paints a salient plea - about this cloistered cell.
Dowsing all decay with his decadent tongue;
"Is this weary apparition a variant of me,
or is my soul not willing to deviate its fate?"


Rousing
Heed this latency with dormant cede
and requiem my heart, born with peste' as blood and vein
"He who lives in memory, is doomed to live eternally."
For with every final minute cast, a dark sheltered past crawls forth,
scorned upon a meagre flame amidst the amaranth night
bidding fair to bring what none should doubt, to light.

"Anathema, is upon me!

And I am only twelve,
said he."



peACE
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.
Last edited by The Hurt Within at Aug 26, 2006,
#3
Hahah the feeling is mutual my dear friend, where have you been?

Give me something to read damnit. I mean in terms of you posting.
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.
#4
I really enjoyed reading this piece. It was so poetic and when I read it, I felt like I was reading something that was important. The language you used was absolutely beautiful. Keep up the good work.

Crit mine please

Wisdom of the Lamb
#5
Quote by The Hurt Within
Hahah the feeling is mutual my dear friend, where have you been?

Give me something to read damnit. I mean in terms of you posting.


Ha, this whole month has been terrible for me. But things are getting a little better, I have a few ideas down but I haven't been able to write an entire piece lately. I'll definitely let you know when I actually post something.

...

...

*bump*
#6
your emotive language is inspiring. it was like reading a story from another time, from the first few lines i was drawn in and and compelled to read further. Im curious though does this actually tell of something which hasdhappened true or legend perhaps??
Really all over a great song and a great read. Keep it up.

pleasae crit my latest.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=421111
Last edited by Scarcity at Aug 27, 2006,
#7
It makes me happy that people like you still want to be a part of this forum, because you are far too good for here yet you still take the time to crit back and comment on lesser peoples work, and want this forum to become bigger and better, yet not revolve around the better writers here.

So, I have absolotely nothing to crit here. Great stuff.
#8
Scarcity. Umm basically its based around a case where a 12 yr old boy was the final suspect in a murder case, where a woman was beaten to death in the street. The police never filed charges against the boy. Then when he was about 24 he was arrested after reaching serial killer status in Chicago. He then committed suicide in his prison cell before any charges were brought. Now attention has turned to his son, who many believe carries the same genes as him.

Also the numbers relate to the bible. "and this is my Job" its a passage Job 16:22 thats another facet to the piece.

And Jammy thanks man.
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.
Last edited by The Hurt Within at Aug 28, 2006,
#10
I enjoyed reading this.

I don't think I would have read as deep as the tides turning towards his son, though! :P
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#11
Yo.

well arent you a clever little thing.
Lovin it as usual. deliciously dark and brooding.
something about this seems very claustrophobic to me. very introverted, i cant quite put my finger on it, probably the cell thing.
the subtle rhyme and strange structure are wicked and the little plays on words (the Job biblical reference coupled with the genetic idea of a job) are just inspired.

once again, the vocab is beautiful without coming accross as pretentious, and i really love the subtlety of the rhymes. at a glance it appears to be free verse but they are definately in there and never forced or clumsy.
quality piece. not much else to say really

i got a new one knockin about somewhere if youd care to take a peek

Peace out.
--------------------i'm definitely the alphaest male here--------------------