#1
This is one of my first songs, I've been playing guitar for six years (since I was ten) but this is the first time I really got into lyrics.

Untitled (metal)
by Rike Of War (I hope the names not taken)

Vicious Circle
of anger and hate
some insane
all irate

armed and ready
and on a mission
to show the world
a fixated vision

chorus

Don't get in their way
They'll try to get through
they'll tear through your body
and rip your heart in two

Society
[choppy rock riffs]
Society
[high E slide or something]

They're on a mission
to take over earth
ruin your life
and all you are worth

Society
[more choppiness]
SOCIETY
[Kick ass solo]

Don't let it happen
let your fighting persist
lash out
and always resist

Don't let 'em ruin you
Don't fall for their cause
rise up against
and get their lives in your Jaws

Society
of rich and poor
rise up to the top
and society's yours.

Society.


Critique how you want. I want feedback. Good or Bad.

By the way, I wrote this about my hometown Haines, Ak. It's the pits.
#2
i really REALLY liked this one. simple, powerful rhyme, contaigious energy.

the only bad (well not really bad, oly an opinion) is that the 'society' kind of reminds me of the song 'toxicity'...perhaps you could try to improve that? but i tctually depends on how you put it across, because, looking at sheer lyrics, can't really tell what this song could actually sound like. so i don't know. i'm just saying 'society' drew a picture of 'toxicity' in my head.

8/10

please rate mine https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=421019
#3
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