#1
Ok, this is not a song, its something I wrote in English that I am quite proud of. You may notice that it is inspired by Shakespeare.

~~~

The entirety of the cosmos is built upon a stage.
A stage that confines rational from the irrational,
Allowing harmony between actors and objects.
All humans listed on the first page of script
Enter through the womb and exit through darkness.
In the acts time flows constantly and life progresses
Through eight acts, many scenes among them.
One man of one place plays thus.

At entrance he is thrust into the arms of doctors
And checked over, until he is returned to his weary
Mother. Second act he is the young curious one, who
Strives for knowledge and freedom. He skips over
Fields and climbs assorted trees hitherto returning home,
Drenched in dirt. Of the third act, he becomes a
Rash teen, who disobeys and pushes boundaries
Until they flex no more. He grows until he is taller
Than his family, and his studies become more vigorous.
His build and weight contriute to mighty sores
as he flings himself to the ground as childishness
Wears on.

Before the fourth, he becomes an adult and exits the
Third. Ambition and greatness within root themselves
In him, and his quest for glory continues through the
Bleak tunnel. Confined within an office time trickles
Away and he accomplishes nothing. Through the
Gain of money, his life slows down to allow more
Actors to enter through the first, while he is in the fifth.
With female company he is content and his
Quest realised.

Thenceforth his life continues to slow , as the
Sixth draws in and middle-ageness settles. His days
Become shorter and his family's longer. His children
Exhaust some of his money and move out, while his
Wife remains with him. Slowly his thoughts dwindle, and
He sleeps until the seventh, that welcomes him with
Retirement. Relaxed and undisturbed he sleeps more, his
Life recorded on paper and in mind; he reflects on
Himself, concluding that it was nice.

As the curtain draws, he wakes up, unaware of
Time and reality. On his own he ambles around,
Counting sheep. Only until someone calms him does
He return to a deeper sleep, not getting up,
Even for the need of water. His body and
Soul shift off the stage, and the Eighth
Act finishes.


[exit]

Quote by Robbie n strat
In the changing rooms we'd all jump around so our dicks and balls bounced all over the place, which we found hilarious.



Little children should be felt, not heard.
#2
Hey.
I thought this was well done. I wasn't sure at first about you re-writing the "7 Acts of Man" or whatever it's official name is, but I think you did something worthwhile in contemporizing it and perhaps making the original more understandable or at least relatable to other people who maybe didn't get it the first time.

The one thing I wasn't sure of was his Quest. Is the realization of his quest when he discovers the monotony and structure of life? Or is it something more internal? I like to think that it was something more internal but I kind of wished that you'd extrapolated a little from the Quest and given us some information as to what the Quest is. If you made each stanza 14 lines, you'd have space to talk more about what his quest is, as well as giving it another nod to Bill.

In other news, if you could crit my song, Rich & Alone , I'd really, really appreciate it.
Cheers, keep up the good work,
- PunkFish.
#3
No no, the realisation of his quest is his wife, who provides happiness for him.
You see, his original idea was that happiness came with glory and wealth and that that was his aim for his quest.

I dont think that I really explained that well at all, here or there, but I wouldnt worry about it too much. I had to do it within a day so I planned it out quite roughly before writing it.

Quote by Robbie n strat
In the changing rooms we'd all jump around so our dicks and balls bounced all over the place, which we found hilarious.



Little children should be felt, not heard.