#1
I am getting so tired of religion and people that try pushing their beliefs upon you with absolutely no other evidence other than a book written thousands of years ago by people living in a desert with no idea of the world around them. This song isn't quite done yet but when I play it on acoustic, tuned down a whole step, I think it sounds really good. Please crit it for me and I will for you. I do realize I need to add maybe a 3rd verse and a pre-chorus of some kind, I just wanted to get this out there and see what you all thought, thanks.

Verse1

Wars waged on money and faith
innocent lives, forever changed
you don't see
the real me
you only see what you believe


Chorus
If we all just looked past the surface
through the masks we'd find
that faith is blind
and inside we're all the same

Verse2
You put all of your trust
in something you've never seen
Judging
Hating with hipocracy
all cuz they believe differently
Light is faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Quote by Scott3229
if i wanted to get brain washed and then throw all my money away, id go to church


"I see, you've been blinded by what you believe" Sully Erna
#2
you know. what i love about this, is that this song is about what you think, and don't try to make 'your flight of glory and fame'. i like the structure. it's simple, powerful. it made my heart beat. great stuff mate. although, i think youcould make a verse or two more.

nice one

8.5/10
#3
ye i agree with the guy above, needs to be longer. good writing though.
#5
Needs to be longer, you can definately add another verse. As is I give it a 7/10
#6
thx for the crit on mine.

anyway, i think this has promise to it, i would have done a full crit, but its kind of short so ill just say a few things. The vereses are good, but the chorus needs some work, it needs to be longer, make it the focal point in the song, i know, because i had the exact same problem before. Right now though, your chorus is just another verse. But nice start to a song.

Oh, and if you could drop me a pm or something about how you liked my other pieces, i'd appreciate that too
thx
#7
Thanks for critting mine.

I think this is a great start, although you could add some more to make it a full song. I like the way none of the rhymes are forced. I think you have a great start.