#1
Leave a link, if you choose.
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I am a man who
Loves to deal in figures.
Statistics too;
Because they are of
Manipulative uses
To you.

As a result,
I enjoy sorting and counting
Everything I deal with
So that my calculations
Can be of the utmost accuracy.

It takes a person
With a computer-brain
Like mine to evaluate
The fractions of emotion
I see everyday.

Lovers holding hands
In a perfect circle
Notify me of a
Generous contribution.

Peoples? reactions to
Me come under
Careful scrutiny;
Often demanding an
Audit from one of
My trusted colleagues.

I must say though,
After such
Careful mathematics and
Studious accounting,
I do feel frustrated when
nothing
adds
up.
#2
thats very different not sure if i like it though. is it a poem ? if it's a song what sort of genre?
SINCERELY WRITTEN FROM MY BROTHERS BLOOD MACHINE, MAN YOURE BATTLES STATIONS, WE'LL HAVE YOU DEAD PRETTY SOON

Coheed and Cambria: In Keeping Secrets Of Silent Earth 3
#3
Sorry but this will only be a quick, first-glance comment.

I don't think this piece shows you on top of your game with your simplistic stylings. This one just didn't catch me like alot of your others have. I guess it was just the way it flowed, I think, a bit of a juddery (is that a wrod) flow, I don't know if you meant that or not but I felt it kind of dtracted from the piece.

Nice ideas though, just not your best, methinks.

Jamie
#4
I wrote a load of pieces about accountancy in the last few weeks.

I think your writing has stooped though. You've come to a point where you're not changing or gaining. Now you have mastered this style, move on. This is all way too "Simon Armitage", and that's never a good thing.

You're just like a better version of him.

Try something completely different for me next time.
#5
Here's the piece, just a quick note really.

He counts all his minutes for all his children,
Two hands wrecking for 3 of them.
The last nail on his hand, crooked and down,
Is swallowed through his throat
Like anxiety wine.

"To choke for you,
To bite my lip to the bone for you,
To bore grey for you"

And in voices, in his head, he records,
And in agreeable chuckles, he yawns.

And it's down,
He works,
And it's down,
He's working,
And it's down.

He's work.





Love it?

Edit:

That's supposed to show everton ebing 2nd.
Last edited by thepickups at Aug 27, 2006,
#7
Don't worry about the profiles Ret', 'cause they've been stopped.

Cheers to everyone for their thoughts on this piece.

Conor - enjoy it while you can!
#9
this i felt was kind of boring and not as good as your other stuff. but it is a good idea. Just not done well... in my opinion. I dunno the words choices were poor i think.

I dislike kuyt a lot. You oughta go back to the PC on your PC one that was much better.
Can you see in the dark? Can you see the look on your face?
#12
yea, we all know u can do much better
this piece is different than others, i love the idea but the way u put it out looks not that great from the first sight, however more i read it-more i like it actually. So i suggest every1 to do the same
check out ma new stuff too
peace