#1
I haven't written any songs in quite a while, so I decided to start writing again and this is one of the two new songs I came up with. Any crit/comments are greatly appreciated

"Lonely Anonymous"

The face in the mirror is me I know
I feel like I'm dead and that's how it is told
The pain the precedes me is what I am
One moment I'm loved and next, I am gone
What you will say means nothing to me
Think about cutting my wrists letting them bleed
Satanic thoughts inhabit me
Then we shall see
Then we shall see

Now can you see how simple it is
Feeling like this, No Bliss
Nothing to kill you nothing to lose
Join me and sway side to side
Hold your best friends and till you die
Make believe what you feel is real
It's nothing but so real

And you feel like you're blank I know
But who really cares in a world so cold
Don't know what else to think
But you're on your own anyway
ESP/ltd EC-1000 snow white
ESP/ltd MH-1000NT See Through Blue
Peavey 6505+
Mesa traditional 4x12 (x pattern 2 v30's and 2 g12h30's)
ISP decimator/Tc Electronics Polytune/Ts9 Tubescreamer

Check out my band! www.facebook.com/blackentheskyline
Last edited by guitarman1507 at Aug 27, 2006,
#2
Quote by guitarman1507
I haven't written any songs in quite a while, so I decided to start writing again and this is one of the two new songs I came up with. Any crit/comments are greatly appreciated

"Lonely Annonomous"

The face in the mirror is me I know
I feel like I'm dead and that's how it is told
The pain the precedes me is what I am
One moment I'm loved and next, I am gone
What you will say means nothing to me
Think about cutting my wrists letting them bleed
Satanic thoughts inhabit me
Then we shall see
Then we shall see

The first few lines were pretty good. The mirror thing has been done before, but it was a bit differant here. The satanic thoughts and cutting wrists parts were a bit cliched as well. I understand you just start writing again, so its not surprising. Just think about it.

Now can you see how simple it is
Feeling like this, No Bliss
Nothing to kill you nothing to lose
Join me and sway side to side
Hold your best friends and till you die
Make believe what you feel is real
It's nothing but so real

Way better than the first. A lot of internal rhyming and just really cool sounds coming from the words. The last line looks a bit short maybe though.

And you feel like you're blank I know
But who really cares in a world so cold
Don't know what else to think
But you're on your own anyway
Its ok. Nothing really to comment on good or bad.

It needs some work I guess, but its not bad for the first thiing you wrote in a while.
Crit my untitled peice (In the sig) if you get a chance.
Thanks.
#3
Thanks for the crit, i knew someone was gonna say the slitting wrists and satanic thoughts part is cliched but that's alright. I'll go crit yours now.
ESP/ltd EC-1000 snow white
ESP/ltd MH-1000NT See Through Blue
Peavey 6505+
Mesa traditional 4x12 (x pattern 2 v30's and 2 g12h30's)
ISP decimator/Tc Electronics Polytune/Ts9 Tubescreamer

Check out my band! www.facebook.com/blackentheskyline
#4
There wasn't much here that was any good at all. It's really whiney and boring. Also, it's spelled "anonymous". Better luck next time.
#5
Its a very gray and bleak song. But I know your perspective while writing something like this.. although I cant say I have ever thought of being a douche and cutting myself. This emo trend is getting old.
#6
Yeah, some of it does sound cliche, but overall it sounds really good.

Don't know why, but I seem to prefer songs with darker themes like this.
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