#1
Winter

A horse and buggy crosses the street
As I lay a coin down at your feet
And the winter it closes in
And you must face your terminal sin
Look now, see how far you've come

I play a song and you call
"You'd never make it in a music hall"
And now the winter it closes in
And I must face this evil wind
Look now, see how far I've come

I see you up there on that stage
While I am down here in my cage
And now the spring it has sprung
And we must face what we've begun
Look now, see how far we've come
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When it comes to flipping pancakes, it's better than burgers.
Last edited by gogita21 at Aug 28, 2006,
#2
I have to say that was pretty impressive! Some very nice wordings, simple yet elegant and I liked the progression of "Look how far" throughout the verses.

I did not understand the part about the cage and the fact that the person calls "You would never make it in a music hall" but it was still pretty good.

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#3
It was hard for me to place the setting while keeping in that style. The first line is supposed to set the scene; a city street. The main character is a busker. The song itself is a metaphor for a personal situation. It's hard to explain without giving away the entire song.
Member #6 of the Agile LP over Epiphone LP Club. PM iamtehwalrus768 to join.
When it comes to flipping pancakes, it's better than burgers.
#4
Pretty good, I liked it.

And now the spring it has sprung
And we must face what we've begun

Loved this line.

Of course the song will stand for more than any listener could know, but that's the joy of writing a song. Your interpretation and the listener's. Nice work.