#1
I'm falling into it without thinking,
squinting, inspecting, or debugging.
It's my skin now: warping to fit itself over
these new mechanical spider limbs I've grown
in the last 10 hours.
I see a coke-whore.
I see a free spirit.
I see a liberal.
I see an intellectual.
I see someone who reads, but probably only
magazines.
I'm staring someone free of pretentions down the
throat and I see the face of Groucho Marx in
the fucking mess.
I've enjoyed slapstick comedy for so long that here
comes someone so full of it,
that both of our schtick slap-sticks off each other
and it's just awkward.
Now we're just splitting hairs.
I've got 99 porblems but prat-falling for girls isn't
one of them.
It's finding my words.
Then losing them as her car speeds off towards someone
else's so and so I don't know.
Don't want to know.
Wouldn't know.
Every time I blow any chance at happiness, the
Applause light buzzes.
Poor advice.
#2
that both of our schtick slap-sticks off each other


genius.

I've got 99 porblems but prat-falling for girls isn't one of them.


again.
#4

I see a coke-whore.
I see a free spirit.
I see a liberal.
I see an intellectual.
I see someone who reads, but probably only
magazines.

My favourite part. Seems really...I don't know, can't explain it. The rest is good, this was just what stuck out for me. Keep it up.
#5
only one thing I find wrong with it Randy.

you have a typo: "problems" not "porblems"

But seriously though, this is top-notch. I don't wanna leave just a crummy one liner for this piece but I'm finding it hard to write what I want to say. I like the way this piece makes me feel and think. The subtleness and tongue-in-cheek humour which is almost like a black comedy work extremely well and I found this a great read. Like all your stuff, I really like it. And like all your stuff, it's damn worth a read.
Quote by Kensai
Maybe you've heard what the ladies say: "Once you go 77mm you don't go back"
#6
I really really enjoyed it. I wish I could leave a longer comment too, but really, I was just impressed by this piece as a whole. great job.
#7
I've enjoyed slapstick comedy for so long that here
comes someone so full of it,
that both of our schtick slap-sticks off each other
and it's just awkward.

awesome. probably some of your best stuff that i've read...granted i havent read anythingo n here in about 5 months....but take it for what its worth

this is a great piece. sorry for the lame crit

--jay
#8
"I see someone who reads, but probably only
magazines."

Great line. This piece is just...wow. It almost at first seems like useless rambling (which in a way it is) but the randomness of it all just brings it together even more. Great work.
#9
Are you ever going to put some songs up for a listen by the way?

You said you were going to put up that EP that you were making but didn't, unless I missed it.

Anything?
#10
never a missed mark
love dead like a crushed fly

for those of you who said you'd be interested in hearing my lyrics put to music- I started work on recording an album, if you get in touch with me pm or otherwise I'd be more than happy to fill you in
#11
Great stuff once more. That's all I have to say. I don't think I've ever commented on one of your pieces because I never have anything to crit, but this time I thought, sod it, I'll just leave you a compliment. So, yeh, excellent writing, keep it going.