#1
I know this is long, but please read it all and crit if you can, I'd really appreciate it. I got the idea from a Dylan song on 'Bringing It Back Home', fans will probably know which one I mean.

Talkin? Silver Street Blues

It was in the city of the blessed morality went on trial,
I leaned against the lamp post and watched the rich folk for a while.
Gold was falling out their pockets on to the silver ground,
there was so much pollution though, I couldn?t see around.

I stumbled down some dead end streets until I found a wall,
I clambered to the top of the sooty bricks and then I did fall.
Onto the other side where a blind man knelt and prayed,
he saw that I had landed and cried, ?Oh Lord, we?ve been saved!?

I staggered to my knees, and tried to understand,
but when I went to speak, he put out his right hand.
He said, ?Do you solemnly swear to tell us why you?re here?
You come from the other side of the wall, but here we live in fear.?

Again I went to speak but the Sir Churchill he rode up,
he was on a big white stallion clutching a golden cup.
With each sip of wine from the vessel that he had,
he lost his smile and his horse looked rather said.

?We?re riding on backs of hungry tigers? he spoke bold and true,
?If we give you the tools, will you find something to do??
I said, ?just relax, I can borrow my uncles? gun?,
Just as I spoke these words I was knocked out by a nun.

I woke up in a chamber cold as the Russian snow,
I looked around for a door, wanting somewhere to go.
A voice came to my head, ?Thank God you?re not late.
You?d better eat though, looks like you?re losing weight.?

I looked down and realised I could see my bones,
they were in a pile on the floor, muddled up with stones.
Just then the building shook and walls all fell down,
I put my body back in place, and left without a sound.

I decided I should make a break to get back to sanity,
I went looking for that wall that caused so much grief to me.
I found it between a brothel and the houses of Parliament,
I followed the men in robes and into the brothel we went.

It looked like a horror movie, mirrors hanging on the ceiling,
chandeliers and leopard prints, which didn?t look too appealing
I left through the back door and found an old wise man,
I said ?I can?t find my way back home?, he pointed, said ?Yes, you can.?

?Follow your heart boy, don?t let it stray.
If you want to make it home, you can go either way.?
I followed the direction he pointed with a grin,
I fell through the floor for ten storeys, it really done me in.

I woke up in my bed, and thought, ?what a terrible dream?,
I realised that somehow things are always what they seem.
As I opened my curtains wide I saw the same old street,
people walking with gold on their mind and silver ?neath their feet.
#4
I like it. It has a very strong Bob Dylan feel to it.

did you know the major scale on a piano, starting at whatever note (lets say E). you just go straight up the white keys without hitting a black one. and you got the major scale.

#5
well, like I say its my first try, but I posted a song just a few threads down. ('why drugs and fight club dont mix' is the title for now lol, but its going to be changed if I can edit it into a passable song)
#6
i think this is great the only thing i think i would change is the second sentence where you said" i leaned against the lamp post and watched the rich folk for a while"

i would change the last part to "and watched the rich folk awhile", to me it just goes better with the flow of the song

but thats just me