#1
First song ever written, so even though it may suck, take it easy. I do plan to edit/revise it. And note that it is a free-verse.


This Thing We Call Religion

Searching for something that isn't there
It was there and now it's gone
The farther I dig, the deeper it gets
As my doubts collect, I begin to wonder
"Does This thing I search for even exist?"

And on my last dying breath
This thing I yearn for
Has yet to be found
And after years of searching
Has yet to be uncovered

As I begin to fade away
And as night turns to day
I breathe a final breathe of reliefe and regret
That it is all over
Yet I feel a sinking feeling
But again I wonder
"Does this thing even exist?"

Spending a lifetime searching for something so pointless
Has reduced me to what I am now
A dying man with no one to remember me.
So as I fade away, I leave this to ponder
"Does this thing we call religion
Does it even exist?"
...When you decide to wake up..
#3


This Thing We Call Religion

Searching for something that isn't there
It was there and now it's gone
The farther I dig, the deeper it gets
As my doubts collect, I begin to wonder
"Does This thing I search for even exist?"
These are good intro lines. It really paints a picture. Like the last line especially

And on my last dying breath
This thing I yearn for
Has yet to be found
And after years of searching
Has yet to be uncovered
This one not so much. It's okay but a little too bland. Load it with more complex words.

As I begin to fade away
And as night turns to day
I breathe a final breathe of reliefe and regret
That it is all over
Yet I feel a sinking feeling
But again I wonder
"Does this thing even exist?"
Relief is spelled wrong. The first 3 lines flow well but the rhyming and the words are still bland.

Spending a lifetime searching for something so pointless
Has reduced me to what I am now
A dying man with no one to remember me.
So as I fade away, I leave this to ponder
"Does this thing we call religion
Does it even exist?"
Nice ending lines. It wraps up everything.

Overall good for a first song. Just build up that vocab. Check mine out. in the sig.
#4
looks like someone needs jesus
Quote by ironman1478
im romanian and am offended. most of the people in romania make americans look like autistic kids on ritalin
Quote by ProfessorJim
I'm autistic and on ritalin and am offended. Most autistic kids on ritalin make americans look like romanians.
#5
excellent concept, reminds me of my struggle to find an entity. just work up the vocabulary, as suggested previously.

and whoever said he was lost, he is not. not yet.
"We are what we pretend to be...so we must be careful what we pretend to be."
#6
try adding a verse that answers the question. It's easier to like songs that dont end with a rhetorical question. i would like it to be resolved!
Quote by ironman1478
im romanian and am offended. most of the people in romania make americans look like autistic kids on ritalin
Quote by ProfessorJim
I'm autistic and on ritalin and am offended. Most autistic kids on ritalin make americans look like romanians.
#7
you need help
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#9
I didn't enjoy it too much, in the aspect that I almost cringed at some lines, no offence, I just think it should be more vague, it feels like you feel like you have to tell the audience EXACTLY what is going on in the piece, when really you don't have to.

'Searching for something that isn't there
It was there and now it's gone
The farther I dig, the deeper it gets
As my doubts collect, I begin to wonder
"Does This thing I search for even exist?"'

In that first stanza it feels like you are trying to first and foremost tell the audience exactly what the rest of the song is going to be about, You say the thing 'isn't there' and that 'it's gone' in two lines, almost repeating what you're saying.

I love the idea you have and you could really build on that, but I really do think you shouldn't make it quite so obvious, really good for first song though. better than mine lol, but then again I was 8 when I wrote mine lol =| haha
<3<3
#12
Quote by Amped
is this about your wiener

lol ya if u think about it it does look like ur talkin bout ur weiner.......but i no ur not.good lyrics id like to hear that with a full band
Quote by DUP3R
If some dude chained me to a toilet and told me that I had 2 hours to live if I don't cut off my own foot..I'd masturbate till I die.


Quote by BreakingTheGirl
I dress up as a hobo then go around tackling little girls and running away with their candy.

10
#13
ug... just ug... k. If your usertitle is correct threadstarter then please get a couple more years of life under your belt before trying to bull**** your way through a soul-searching piece through the eyes of someone you'll never know.
#14
how do you know what his life is like.. you know not every damn 11 year old is a child and living a good life.. I know I wasnt, and I was unusually intelligent like him.

its ver well written
but I disagree with the stuff its about.
#15
The concept is good but the lyrics are a little lacking. Would u mind answering what type of music this song would be applied to??