A song I've started writing but like always I've become stuck.. so I thought some crits might help me start moving again.. or help me figure out ways to clean it up.. so C4C of course.. its called Summer(sample) at http://afailure.dmusic.com
Crit as I listen...

Not a fan of the guitar tone. It sounds like an electric direct in to a computer with some reverb/chorus effect added with the mixing software. I do like the progression (albeit common) but one thing that really stands out is the vocal melody and lyrics. Absolutely love it. The vocals are shakey but I can make out the melody your going for and it's awesome.

When I get home i'm gonna pull out my accoustic and learn the first bit (if thats ok) and play around with a chorus just to give you some ideas. If you get stuck go with a general structure we fall back on...

Simple verse with emphasis on the vocals.. (you've done that well) in to a chorus (all in, catchy), second verse, start with a little lead riff then in come the vocals. Guitars in general a little more upbeat. With a little lead bit in the background. In to the chorus, go twice as long (or 1.5times), make sure the chorus is a little fuller. Then you wanna change it up a bit so kick in to either a key change, breakdown, solo, or something different. Then chorus (or another verse) and rock it on out.

The key, (in my opinion) is to have the song always changing, yes go back to a melody but do something different with it.

My car is in getting repaired so i can't go to my rehersal room to use my good gear but it'll get some ideas out that may help you a little.

Crit mine? - https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=422741
and if you get some time, my second one. https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=422756
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Thanks man.. you can play around wiht it all you want.. thanks for the crit.. my aim is brrr drumline 08 so if u want to hit me up on there about it u can.. ill crit urs when i get back from school today
Vocals pretty good, the chord progression sounds good too.

Only complaint... the overall feel of the piece makes me think of Good Charlotte... and I hate Good Charlotte...

Other than that its good, you've got much better vocals than most people here.
Winners are those who refuse to be beaten

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Please crit my latest work! Crit for crit of course.

Or hear my demo recordings at Myspace
I think its good the guitar tone isnt bad as i thought it would be reading others comments before its a great melody line but tweaking ita little might help you from hearing you sing on that sample it sounds like you have a great voice that can hit high notes well so instead of struggling to sing those low notes in the part it kinda sounds like your monotone because your trying to go too low " the wrongs that we made right" that part when it started right there it sounded like you were going too low and its making you sound monotonish, how about instead of going low there try to go a little higher just experiment around im sure you can hit those notes but i bet it would give you a cool variety to put more energy in that part of the song...... but great job tho you have an awesome voice

heres mine please check it out and be just as harsh on me as i was you i respect crits

Wow this jumped up outta like.. page 20 somethin.. lol anywys thanks for the crits.. ill try to re-record using you guys advice.. thanks
you have a good voice
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dude you have a very good voice. where do you live.
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ya right when u say "fear" u need to rasie ur voice on the next bar and kick it up to a nice heavier upbeat verse or something with more guitar and heavier strumming. im imagining drums kicking in right there that would be great and a full band at that. its a good tune man it sounds a little generic at first but if u can pull off a more upbeat song after that intro than its ur golden. ur voice isnt bad at all although i wished u would have changed some notes an octave higher in some places but they were good none the less. good start to the song so far man hope it turns out well.

u mind checking out mine. https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=532900. thanks in advance if u decide too. its also a work in progess just started it 2 days ago