#1
Yet another depressive, emo-ish work from me.

I sit here cold and alone
In this dark and lonely life I'm living
The blood is dripping on the floor
I'm losing my grip
I'm slipping away

Suffering....
That's all that you've brought to me
And as I lay here dying
I wonder....
Are you happy yet?

That blade has dulled itself on my flesh
Tainted with my life, pouring from these gashes
The wounds are bleeding, opened once again
I've lost my grip
I've slipped away

Suffering
That's all that you've brought to me
And as I lay here dying
I wonder...
Are you happy yet?

Now that you've destroyed me
Having fed this demon that swallowed me whole
I lay here, cold and rigid
The blackness overwhelms me, cold and frigid

Suffering..
That's all that you've brough me
And as I lay here cold and dead
I wonder...
Are you happy yet?

Now that you've destroyed me
Dean Razorback Explosion
Fender Strat
Traynor 80w 2x12 (All tube)
Bad Monkey OD
Crybaby Wah
Boss NS-2 Noise Supressor

Quote by Axeman99
A solid state half stack is nothing but a PENIS EXTENSION
Last edited by WannabeShredder at Aug 28, 2006,
#3
It has decent content. As far as the song layout, just a bit sketchy where random parts rhyme and it just doesn't flow off my tongue when it's read. But I mean, it could be good with music, which it's really hard to critique that without it. Probably not the best comments you were looking for, but not everyone can say it's great, just could use a lil work. Thanks.
#4
Quote by WannabeShredder
Yet another depressive, emo-ish work from me.

I sit here cold and alone
In this dark and lonely life I'm living
The blood is dripping on the floor
I'm losing my grip
I'm slipping away

Suffering....
That's all that you've brought to me
And as I lay here dying
I wonder....
Are you happy yet?

That blade has dulled itself on my flesh
Tainted with my life, pouring from these gashes
The wounds are bleeding, opened once again
I've lost my grip
I've slipped away

Suffering
That's all that you've brought to me
And as I lay here dying
I wonder...
Are you happy yet?

Now that you've destroyed me
Having fed this demon that swallowed me whole
I lay here, cold and rigid
The blackness overwhelms me, cold and frigid

Suffering..
That's all that you've brough me
And as I lay here cold and dead
I wonder...
Are you happy yet?

Now that you've destroyed me


It's alright, I just think it's kinda cliche in spots (ex: second verse) but that's alright. Just work on it a bit more and you'll have a quality song. Out of everything I'd have to say this is the best part of your song, I really like how it sounds and how it gets your point accross:

Now that you've destroyed me
Having fed this demon that swallowed me whole
I lay here, cold and rigid
The blackness overwhelms me, cold and frigid

crit one of mine please if you can: Heal or Lonely Anyomous, or both if you want
ESP/ltd EC-1000 snow white
ESP/ltd MH-1000NT See Through Blue
Peavey 6505+
Mesa traditional 4x12 (x pattern 2 v30's and 2 g12h30's)
ISP decimator/Tc Electronics Polytune/Ts9 Tubescreamer

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