#1
okay, so heres a song i wrote out of many others, well the lyrics are a working progress..im working on a bridge and another verse..tell me what you think and be nice 'cause im pretty sensitive with this stuff.

It seemed you left me a picture
Of everything you did with her
Not knowing what to do
Who I should come crying to

For now I'll lie in the grass
and see how this imaginary relasonship is so crass
I'll write you another sad song
Then maybe God and I will get along

Its hard to come close when everythings far away
On those cool anticipated summer days
All the things you took for granted; look, they're gone
Is it pivotal I must act this way?
When the curtains are drawn closed, i lie in my bed, I know nothings okay

Turn the corner there I am
Looking at people's lives
Wishing you were here with me.. to subsist or resist?
Does he smile at you after you've been kissed
Or am I just dreaming
Dreaming of another way to say
These emotions that get in my way
everyday....

constructve criticism please
alter your mind.
#2
hey guys i'd rlly appreciate it if you guys posted stuff..just make it constructive and helpful..
thnx
alter your mind.
#4
Hello, I thaught it was alright, but who is the person talking too? the girl, or the person thats w/ her now? I think it changes, now i am the last messenger on earth who will put a rule on music but try to keep it talking to one person
also, what is happening in the song is kinda obscure, but how can i say that to you when i worship Zeppelin, so just do what feels right and consider what i said.
#5
ok words i agree with the other person are u talking to her or the guy with her
clear that up
#6
Quote by last messenger
who is the person talking too? the girl, or the person thats w/ her now? I think it changes, now i am the last messenger on earth who will put a rule on music but try to keep it talking to one person


It was ok, work with it a little more and it has potential. Crit mine: Chelsea (I would), please.