#1
Its Just see you later
You said with a tear in your eye.
You just assured me
That it's not goodbye

Wake
Me
Please

Don't
Go
Please

Its just see you later
Its not goodbye
Ill see them again
with a tear in my eye
I mean its not like one f us has dies.
Just see you later
Its not
Good
Bye

Time goes by slower
When your not around.
Your voice reminds me of
How heaven sounds

Wake
Me
Please

Dont
Go
Please

Its just see you later
Its not goodbye
Ill see them again
With a tear in my eye
I mean its not like one of us has died.
Its just see you later
Its not
Good
Bye
you can burn it all
and rally around the table
if you want to
just to argue out the last scenes of us

You can end it all
Im sorry enough to tell you
that im ok
and im never gonna see you again
#3
Quote by Dougal_rock-god

Its Just see you later
You said with a tear in your eye.
You just assured me
That it's not goodbye
Not a very good opening. Its cliche and the words you use are not complex at all. Build up your vocab a bit.

Wake
Me
Please

Don't
Go
Please
Is this supposed to be one of those screamed parts. Thats the only thing i see there. Still they are cliche lines. Mix it up with some new words and phrasing.

Its just see you later
Its not goodbye
Ill see them again
with a tear in my eye
I mean its not like one f us has dies.
Just see you later
Its not
Good
Bye

This is basically the 1st stanza except rephrased. Not a good idea. You need to check your 5th line too. I cant make out what it says.

Time goes by slower
When your not around.
Your voice reminds me of
How heaven sounds
Still cliche. I think I speak for a lot of people when I say I have heard these lines before. They are not original. That is what we are trying to go for here. Originality.

Wake
Me
Please

Dont
Go
Please
Same as above.

Its just see you later
Its not goodbye
Ill see them again
With a tear in my eye
I mean its not like one of us has died.
Its just see you later
Its not
Good
Bye
Well at this point I will just say that you have written the same thing over and over. I see that maybe this is supposed to be a chorus. It's just not original though. You could use some work on vocabulary and you might even want to check the lyric tips thread. It is very useful.


So all i can say is i hope you take my words to heart. If you could check mine out its the link in my sig.
#5
cheers. Just for the record, this is an acoustic song and the bit that that dude is saying are screamed is just a harmony over finger picking.
you can burn it all
and rally around the table
if you want to
just to argue out the last scenes of us

You can end it all
Im sorry enough to tell you
that im ok
and im never gonna see you again
#6
oh well thats cool man. i just thought it was one of those emo songs thats played over like one chord or sumthing thats so distorted it sounds like crap. but work on it though man. im a strong believer in that anybody can write awesome lyrics with the right tools. work on those words though.