#1
crit4crit

THE SEVENTH CIRCLE

On the trees of Romeo and Juliet
Flesh decorates the thorns as ornaments
The bodies will remain adorning their limbs
A lock on the entrance where the soul should come in
Never will they join the herd of the resurrected
As gnarled bushes they shall inhabit the seventh

I robbed what was mine
It was in my possession
But it belonged to the divine

Judgment brought by an auto-poisoning
Serving the sentence of a most gracious king
Tongues tied to symbolize the knotting of the noose
Russian roulette was means of canceling their dues
Voiceless lest the branches snap and break
For they were the architects of their own wake

I robbed what was mine
It was in my possession
But it belonged to the divine

A permanent residence in the wretched circle
Forever shall this soil keep their leaves fertile
Housed in the garden of the Inferno are the mutes
Here the lord of Paradiso planted the roots
Where the arms are sodomized by the Harpies? claws
Creatures that only carry out the celestial law

I robbed what was mine
It was in my possession
But it belonged to the divine
#3
Quote by themarsvolta
crit4crit

THE SEVENTH CIRCLE
The titles already got my attention

On the trees of Romeo and Juliet
Flesh decorates the thorns as ornaments
The bodies will remain adorning their limbs
A lock on the entrance where the soul should come in
Never will they join the herd of the resurrected
As gnarled bushes they shall inhabit the seventh
Wow dude. Awesome intro. I like your almost philosophical writing style that just grabs me by the throat and makes me like want to read it all

I robbed what was mine
It was in my possession
But it belonged to the divine
Good lines here. Mine and divine is a little boring in my opinion though. I robbed what was mine. i love that.

Judgment brought by an auto-poisoning
Serving the sentence of a most gracious king
Tongues tied to symbolize the knotting of the noose
Russian roulette was means of canceling their dues
Voiceless lest the branches snap and break
For they were the architects of their own wake
Auto-poisoning. Thats awesome. But im not too into this stanza as the rest of em. Just doesnt seem to fit right with me.

I robbed what was mine
It was in my possession
But it belonged to the divine

A permanent residence in the wretched circle
Forever shall this soil keep their leaves fertile
Housed in the garden of the Inferno are the mutes
Here the lord of Paradiso planted the roots
Where the arms are sodomized by the Harpies? claws
Creatures that only carry out the celestial law
Do leaves become fertile? Im not sure about that. Good use of the words Inferno and Paradiso. Not a fan of sodomized . Maybe you could use rape. Or the forcing sex upon. Another good stanza though except that word as a personal opinion.

I robbed what was mine
It was in my possession
But it belonged to the divine


Overall. Good song 8/10. I enjoyed reading from the beginning to the end. I especially like the first stanza for some reason.
#4
Quote by themarsvolta
crit4crit

THE SEVENTH CIRCLE

I'll just say, you've wrote very well of late, so I hope this keeps the run going.

On the trees of Romeo and Juliet
Flesh decorates the thorns as ornaments
The bodies will remain adorning their limbs
A lock on the entrance where the soul should come in
Never will they join the herd of the resurrected
As gnarled bushes they shall inhabit the seventh

I'd like to see some punctuation in a piece like this. I didn't take to "gnarled bushes", it just didn't sit with me.

I robbed what was mine
It was in my possession
But it belonged to the divine

Okay.

Judgment brought by an auto-poisoning
Serving the sentence of a most gracious king
Tongues tied to symbolize the knotting of the noose
Russian roulette was means of canceling their dues
Voiceless lest the branches snap and break
For they were the architects of their own wake

Solid rhyming. Good writing.

I robbed what was mine
It was in my possession
But it belonged to the divine

A permanent residence in the wretched circle
Forever shall this soil keep their leaves fertile
Housed in the garden of the Inferno are the mutes
Here the lord of Paradiso planted the roots
Where the arms are sodomized by the Harpies? claws
Creatures that only carry out the celestial law

Didn't like the last rhyme. Once more, solid stuff.

I robbed what was mine
It was in my possession
But it belonged to the divine

You're getting really good. Keep this up and I could see you being up there for WoTM.


Jamie