#1
Just something I wrote, I guess leave crits or something and I will get back to you.


A Day of Leaving

Autumn had just fallen?

A sunset, Oh so serene
A silhouette, all that is seen
As she wanders she grows small
Her children watch, as ten tears fall
One from each of her own
Mama?s gone, she?s leaving home
Ten was much too big a number
Mama and life were torn asunder.

A sunrise, a tranquil time
Mass demise, a fateful time
As they soar they grow big
She is watching, as ten apparitions drift
All of which are of her own
Children?s are gone, they left home
A faded mother was much too sad
They greet mother, her children came back.

Spring has now sprung?
anybody wanna put anything here just let me know
#2
cool, a bit rocky at the rhythm section, but cool. I like how you picked a reoccuring word that kind of haunts the song... the number ten is evil.
#3
Seasons are always a nice subject to write about, I think that this has worked very nicely (for lack of a better word ). Very emotional and warm it feels quite dreamy, I like the way it all resolves at the end and spring emerges.

A very small thing, I think that maybe you could have worded the little entrance and exit lines a bit better, because they sound as if they are a sort of commentry. Maybe something like "Springeth now spring", I dont know, its always a good idea to add "eth" at the end of a word

A very enjoyable piece, good job!
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In the changing rooms we'd all jump around so our dicks and balls bounced all over the place, which we found hilarious.



Little children should be felt, not heard.
#4
hey haha you wanted some love so here it is. I like it. I will be honest with you however (although this may already be obvious) I am not much one for rhyming poetry unless (like the poem I wrote just for you) haha I write one on the spot in 2 mins in which case rhyming makes sense. Personally I am more for the post modernist way of things... abstract fractured poetry. However I do like the imagery... it reminds me of the song passing afternoon for some reason.