Take one look, and ill crit yours

Hey, I've been fighting with myself whether or not to post this here, but i decided Screw it, and here it is, its kind of a journal of sorts that ive been writing for months, word for word, its 100% pure emotion, i didnt mean for it to be a poem or song or anything, so i dont really need writing crits, and i dont really care about them, but comment and ill get to yours. Itll get more clear as you read.


Finished writing the first and second part of my series today, proud of them, remember how that day played out...

We walked home today, me and Natalie, hard to believe i only met her 3 hours before. it already seems like ive known her for years, we even finish each others sentences now, not even Nate or Alex can do that. Hard to believe i spent a whole afternoon with her, and didnt make an ass of myself. Still can't belive how comfy i am around her, not that im never around girls, but we laid together on the couch, and i didnt feel anything but happiness...

Found inspiration for the third and fourth part now, i wish i hadnt...

Feel like shit, not because im sick or anything, mom and dad dont get it, her mom was out for the weekend and i went over. I dont know why it happened, it started with just a laugh and a sip of wine and a bet of who could have the most. I dont even remember what happened exactly, but i guess something did and now i dont know how the fuck this is gonna play out...

Here's to the fifth part, posted on UG today...

talked to natalie for the first time in a few weeks today, ran into her at school and decided to walk home together, talking for the first time in a long time, the memories came back, clearly: A empty wine bottle on the floor, clothes strewn across the room, light flooding in from the window on the next morning. And then when we were walking she tells me she didnt tell anyone, but shes always thinking about suicide, if she cant trust me or herself, she doesnt want to live. Guilt came, stopped in the middle of a park and cried together, God, its been so long since i cried, i fucking wanted to die too, we're only 14, but it doesnt matter, we killed what we cared for the most, our trust and love. But for her, i tried to comfort her, to make her laugh, when i left her off at her house, i think she felt better, even got a laugh once...

Thought about writing a part six to TSI, but i couldnt but in here its safe...

The police found her, got her before she could do it, dont know how she wanted it done but she left me this message last night, i dont even need to check it to write it word for word.

"I can't hold on, just wanted you to know, i don't know what to do anymore and this is the only answer, maybe you can join me. I love you"

I guess she didn't do it though, cause her mom told me on the phone that she was safe, she still doesn't know what pushed Natalie over the edge, i dont know if i can bring myself to tell her, mom and dad are trying to comfort me even though she didnt get to go through with it, but they dont know that i dont deserve any fucking comfort, that i used all mine up that night that i cant even remember. Shes in a mental hospital now, something we both laughed about a month ago, and i dont know when the hell shes getting out, so i can tell her im sorry, so ill just say it now, just in case...

"I loved you Natalie, and i still do, and im sorry, if you still want to go, i promise i'll come with you."
Last edited by AAA_the_band at Aug 30, 2006,
Nice writing.

So did you make this up or what? I cant really tell....

As you can tell, mine's in my sig.
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
No man, this is 100% true, thats why some of the grammar is so bad, it was my own personal journal.
Ok, then, that was rough for you I'd bet.
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
wow, thats all i can say, wow, i thought my **** was ****ed up, no wonder you write so good... wow

(my new stuff is up, btw)
Even th ough it was a real journal, it read beautifully. u just have a way with words i suppose. excellent
yeah well, my english teacher had out class start journals like 2 years ago, and i figured id just carry on, i mean, i found it was a good way to blled off emotions
Holy sh1t that'smessed up dude. (Sorry I couldn't put it more eloquently). I'm sorry all that happened to you and her. I guess I'll pray for you. Anyways, I don't mean to pry, but how long will Natalie be in there?

Crit mine please

The Seventh Circle
wow.....dude that sucks big time, all i have to say is, if that happened to me i would have killed myself..that like totally bites....you are one tough son bitch..no offense..
I thought i had trouble but god i guess reading this makes me see more pessamistically, thanks...i hope the best for u man