#1
This is like my 5th or 6th song. I need a chorus and another verse, i was htinking maybe some1 might be able to help me out, i think these are pretty cool lyrics so far. C4C

Go ahead and take a bow,
Its not like it means anything at all.
This disease of yours is nothing, so carry on;
Theres nothing to be sure...

Silhouettes are shadows of the sun

Go ahead and fake it how,
You have so many times before this night.
The superficial war that you feel, that you've won,
Fractured hopes guide you to the light...

Silhouettes are shadows of the sun
And oh how they burn...


Still needs a chorus as I said, thanks for any help.

Tommy
Quote by Unforgivable
LesPaulMarshalls ace!
Quote by Dudage
LesPaulMarshall, you friggin rock!
Quote by adrian_brown89
It's pretty hard to find someone as hardcore as Tom. The race for hardcore supremacy would be pretty close but i think Tom's got his nose just in front for now...
#2
im sorry to say that but i dont like it much. I mean, i dont get the rhyming and the flow + its better if u finish it first, imo looks u wrote it very quickly messing it up. But it doesnt mean its hopeless, you can improve and make it more deeper with the meaning i guess.
sorry 4 a ****ty crit, peace
u can crit my stuff too
#3
Music doesnt need rhyming, or even flow. Its about the meaning. From this i am talking about how people are fake, hence;

Go ahead and take a bow,
Its not like it means anything at all.

My style of music cannot be classified really, the only thing is pretty much is that it is 100% not commercial.

But thanks for your comment, appreite it.
Quote by Unforgivable
LesPaulMarshalls ace!
Quote by Dudage
LesPaulMarshall, you friggin rock!
Quote by adrian_brown89
It's pretty hard to find someone as hardcore as Tom. The race for hardcore supremacy would be pretty close but i think Tom's got his nose just in front for now...