#1
It's been four years since
I was sure you where the end of the earth

Now when I see you in passing you don't
Even recognize me
Beneath the lines on my face
The first cracks of age
And a red goattee I grew to seperate myself from
The other boys you know

It's embarresing to think I ever thought of you as more
Then a face in a sandwhich shop on a someday evening

And when we stand opposite of each other,
Your face contorted in mock surprise,
I can see why every schoolboy crush eventually dies.
Last edited by ScarredFaith at Aug 31, 2006,
#2
I love it The end is great. I can definitely relate to this one.
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#3
It's been four years since
I was sure you where the end of the earth

in the second line ehre, I think you mean "were" instead of "where" ?
interesting opening anyhow. Stops a little abruptly but this is quite refreshing and intruiging.

Now when I see you in passing you don't
Even recognize me
Beneath the lines on my face
The first cracks of age
And a red goattee I grew to seperate myself from
The other boys you know

Nice imagery and descriptions here. I like this, but similarly I feel it could be somewhat revised, I know what you want to get accross but atm I get the feeling that it's not altogether successful.

It's embarresing to think I ever thought of you as more
Then a face in a sandwhich shop on a someday evening

*embarrassing
This is quite lovely though Joseph. Such simple and pleasant language, the second line especially appeals to me

And when we stand opposite of each other,
Your face contorted in mock surprise,
I can see why every schoolboy crush eventually dies.

Personally, in the 2nd line I would put "Your face is contorted" but that's jsut IMO. This is a really ncie ending. You rewrote a cliched topic really well here, very impressive and good piece
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