#1
This is our bands first song. Please crit constructively as we want to know your thoughts are.

THRU A PHASE

I'm goin' through a phase,
i just don't understand,
Its driving me crazy,
and i need a helping hand,
If you just knew how i felt,
and brought me back to land,
I haven't been here lately,
been in a place i can't stand,

I need someone to derive from,
I need someone to survive from,
I need someone to help me can't you see

So give me that hand that i'm looking for,
I'm going through this phase that i can't ignore,
So be a friend, don't let me down,
End this phase that always around,

I'm being destroyed by this stage,
It's ruining my life,
I feel like i'm getting killed,
By Satans bloody knife,
I know you want to help me,
and get it in my head,
that this state of panic,
will put me in my deathbed,

I need someone to derive from,
I need something to survive on,
I need someone to help me can't you see

So give me that hand that i'm looking for,
I'm going through this phase that i can't ignore,
So be a friend, don't let me down,
End this phase that always around,

(Breakdown)


So give me that hand that i'm looking for,
I'm going through this phase that i can't ignore,
So be a friend, don't let me down,
End this phase that always around,

(solo)

BE NICE!!!
Last edited by MiniMusicMasta at Aug 31, 2006,
#2
Very nice...only a few minor suggestions.

1st Verse:
Perhaps changing some of your rhymes to half-rhymes would make this seem a little less forced. Very nice content; I especially liked the "back to land" thing.

Prechorus?:
"I need someone to survive from" is kind of incomplete/intransitive. I really stink at explaining things so here's a LINK .

Chorus:
No crit here, pretty solid.

Verse 2:
Only one thing here that jumps out at me. "I may as well be getting killed" just sounds a little rough. It could use some slight revision.


Uhh....yeah, that's all I got. Keep it up, and GL with the band. Keep rockin'!
#4
cranny ere, sweet lyrics cud of beta if i wz there helpin! lol nt reli lyrics are ausum.
Cranny_deaf_rocker
#5
nice lyrics....

If you just knew how i felt,
and brought me back to land,
I haven't been here lately,
been in a place i can't stand,

This part of the verse was pretty cool.....

Rate mine....