Hopeless and broken I choose to recall my final dues,
for the pain that i have endured is nothing to what I will lose,
to speak and not be heard,
brings a vivid image to my hurt,
It's cut wide open,
to choose,
the last words you said to me,
left me stuck in this misery,
would you take me forgranted when I said I would,
you give me no reason to be here,
cause i don't want to smell the pain of this apathy,
i left in the air,
for you,
how long must i go on,
knowing who you really are,
why must i go on,
when you've only gotten me this far,
so how should i leave,
to show who you've deceived,
now where's the releif,
for i will never beleave,
in you again,
cold and heartless,
torn to nothing,
repeat my sorrow,
for this is the becoming of the end!
pretty good...but i cant follow any rhythm...probably arrangin it into verses and chords wud be better...nice stuff tho

Crit mine
this is a different style of writing i tried to attempt, and i'm pretty satisfied with the out come, i don't think you have to rhyme in every song you write cause then it's not tottaly coming from the heart! i mean it may be hard to follow for you to see who it could be used in a song but it's amazing to me, i know the perfect place for it! but thannx for the comment and please keep some crits coming!
it's just gonna be a slow acoustic style song sung in a slow melodic deppressing way! it's kinda gonna help me get some stuff off my chest from my ex gf, but i reffer to my style as alternative! it deserves no labels it's just me! but if you want an idea what it would sound like picture the band hurt! their a big influence to me! thanx for the comment tho and please keep the crits comming!