#1
This is my Arctic Monkeys influenced song

Verse

I may be looking in your direction
But it don't mean my eys fall on you
Just because I say I do
Don't mean I really will

Chorus

I make you think I'm going under
(under the light)
I make you think you're going over
(over the night)
Then I don't make you think at all
And it all amounts to none

Verse

You put on cheap make up
And head out for a night on the town
You want to paint the city red
But you end up with pale white

Chorus

I make you think I'm going under
(under the light)
I make you think you're going over
(over the night)
Then I don't make you think at all
And it all amounts to none

Verse

You're going in the wrong direction
But it don't really matter anyway
You were gonna end up this state
But it would have been different way

Chorus

I make you think I'm going under
(under the light)
I make you think you're going over
(over the night)
Then I don't make you think at all
And it all amounts to none


all done....
Last edited by mmm... ice at Sep 2, 2006,
#2
I like it.
It sounds like a bit of an Indie-style song.
The song will be good if it was actually something hapened in real life. Is it real?
Or not?
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#3
You can tell there is a huge AM influence there.
It has the potential to be a really good song.
I love the verses.

One thing is alot of people including you, i think, when writing songs that are influenced by the arctic monkeys try and copy thier accent/way of saying things even though their not from Yorkshire and it's not a good idea.
I'm from yorkshire and unless the accent/lingo is done right what you're saying doesn't make sense so it's best to leave off it and use your own accent.
#4
Quote by Viva-la-mark
I like it.
It sounds like a bit of an Indie-style song.
The song will be good if it was actually something hapened in real life. Is it real?
Or not?


No it isn't something that happpened in real life... well it probably happened somewhere to someone.
#5
This is my Arctic Monkeys influenced song

YES! Someone else who is influenced by them.

Verse Don't label your verses etc, it gets annoying.

I may be looking in your direction
But it don't mean my eys fall on you Eyes, you mean.
Just because I say I do
Don't mean I really will

Right, for a AM type song, you need pacey, flowing verses, with much more length than this. This is the basic plot for your piece here, but it needs expanding on. The key to this style is tongue-in-cheek humour, observational ideas and witty rhyme and turn of phrase. But flowis also a mjor point, so that is something to work on.

Chorus

I make you think I'm going under
(under the light)
I make you think you're going over
(over the night)
Then I don't make you think at all
And it all amounts to none

I think you need a bit more of a hook here, also th elast line slows the piece down.

Verse

You put on cheap make up
And head out for a night on the town
You want to paint the city red
But you end up with pale white

Better in the ideas department, but still lacking real good rhythm, and once more a bit too short.

Chorus

I make you think I'm going under
(under the light)
I make you think you're going over
(over the night)
Then I don't make you think at all
And it all amounts to none

Verse

You're going in the wrong direction
But it don't really matter anyway
You were gonna end up this state
But it would have been different way

Good, but I still would've wanted more. Would like "You were always gonna end up" in the third line.

Chorus

I make you think I'm going under
(under the light)
I make you think you're going over
(over the night)
Then I don't make you think at all
And it all amounts to none


So, it needs a bit of work. Flow is what makes these sort of pieces tick, it is what I keep in mind when I write like this, and my rhyming always comes down to how it would flow best. The verses need more length here, and the chorus needs more of a hook.

Jamie