#1
I remember that day
When I first saw you
A new road was being built
I didn't know where it lead to

After a few weeks the road opened
And I thought I'd go down it
It seemed quite smooth
So I thought travel it more

Soon we became good friends
Walking down that road everyday with you
Suddenly I knew where it was leading
I was walking a bridge to your heart

(Chorus)
Bridge to your heart
It seemed so long of a road
Before I got to the bridge
And you knew that I am really yours

After first stepping on the road
I knew that one it would need to extended
Just like our friendship
So I asked if you would help down that road

We came together, hand in hand
With one common goal
To extend that road
Now you are with me on bridge to your heart

Chorus x2
Last edited by Quik Axe Player at Sep 2, 2006,
#3
remember that day
When I first saw you
A new road was being built
I didn't know where it go to <<<<<< last four words on last line sound like you can't really speak english properly lol if you know what I mean, like a french man trying to speak english and getting all the tenses mixed up and stuff, lol replace 'go' with 'lead' I advise, but it's just an opinion.
Second stanza... beautiful.
Third stanza... okay, pretty sweet.
Chorus... sweet again, irregular lines give it more affect
Fifth stanza... beautiful
Sixth stanza... kind of cliche, worst stanza in the song but not bad.

Overall... quite well written, sweet =) sounds like it really came from your heart, made me smile

Crit mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=425705
<3<3
Last edited by Hincks&Emmerson at Sep 1, 2006,
#6
sorry man but your title disgusts me

good work on the song but i strongly suggest you change the title, it may just be the lamest thing ive ever heard of
#9
After reading through tons of dark songs, it's nice to see a happy one. I thought this piece was very good and filled with emotion. It put me in a better mood just reading it. All I can see is keep up the good work. And change the title to just "Bridges"

Crit mine please
The Face of An Angel
#10
Alo of plain, boring, simple writing mixed in with a, dare i say, cliche extended metaphor. Sorry, I think this piece was pretty average. I think you need to work on your flow, try and speed it up a bit so it is more exciting. Some punctuation wouldn't go amiss, therefore. I'd like to see some more wit and turn of phrase here, to spice it up, and some interesting rhyme and schemes would also help.

So, an alright base to a song, but could be far better wiht some major improvements.

My latest is in my sig, if you're returning.

Jamie