#1
Enjoy!...Crit-for-crit

The captured smiles, seem caged at last,
And someone?s thrown away the key,
And we weep for all the other ones,
For distraught wants and weres,
We capture the smiles, in Polaroids,
And look back on the memories,
And we weep for all the happy ones,
For ecstatic his? and hers?,

Yeah yeah, snapshot ?love?,
And friendly memories,
And reasons why we smiled,
Through all catastrophes,

The captured cries, seem trapped at last,
And someone?s sealed them shut,
And we weep for all the missed ones,
For shut away, looks and stares,
We capture the cries, in photographs,
And look back on the saddest times,
And we weep for all the distant ones,
For logistic ours and theirs,

Yeah yeah, snapshot ?love?,
And friendly memories,
And reasons why we cried,
Through all catastrophes,

The captured love, seems home at last,
And someone?s allowed it in,
And we weep for all the lonely ones,
For heartbroken, knots and ties,
We capture the love, in pictures,
And look back on the fullest times,
And we weep for all the left out ones,
For remembered smiles and cries,

Yeah yeah, snapshot ?love?,
And friendly memories,
And reasons why we loved,
Through all catastrophes,
<3<3
#3
Quote by Hincks&Emmerson
Enjoy!...Crit-for-crit

The captured smiles, seem caged at last, Caged is a bit cliche.
And someone?s thrown away the key,
And we weep for all the other ones,
For distraught wants and weres,
We capture the smiles, in Polaroids,
And look back on the memories,
And we weep for all the happy ones,
For ecstatic his? and hers?,

Solid start.

Yeah yeah, snapshot ?love?,
And friendly memories,
And reasons why we smiled,
Through all catastrophes,

Alright. I like the conversational style.

The captured cries, seem trapped at last,
And someone?s sealed them shut,
And we weep for all the missed ones,
For shut away, looks and stares,
We capture the cries, in photographs,
And look back on the saddest times,
And we weep for all the distant ones,
For logistic ours and theirs,

Using the word "we" alot is getting tedious. Try to write so you don't need words like that so much.

Yeah yeah, snapshot ?love?,
And friendly memories,
And reasons why we cried,
Through all catastrophes,

The captured love, seems home at last,
And someone?s allowed it in,
And we weep for all the lonely ones,
For heartbroken, knots and ties,
We capture the love, in pictures,
And look back on the fullest times,
And we weep for all the left out ones,
For remembered smiles and cries,

Solid once more.

Yeah yeah, snapshot ?love?,
And friendly memories,
And reasons why we loved,
Through all catastrophes,


Yeh, solid writing, nothing spectacular but nothing terrible about it. Good Job.

Latest is in my sig, many thanks. Jamie.
#4
I found this emotional and well written, but I didn't really like how you said the same things but changed certain words. I know you meant to do that, but I just didn't find it interesting. I know, it's just me. But I did like the chorus.
#5
Very emotional, nothing spectacular or awful, but it's good solid lyrics with a lot of feeling behind them. I like it.
#6
A very emotive piece...

Jamie already pointed out the word "we" but man, I could have murdered "and".

That one single word that was repeated for 24 times, at exactly the same spots in each stanza.

You have nice ideas but there needs to be use of a wider vocabulary.

Carmel.
This is not a pipe
#8
this song is very well written

a few lines could have been improved
'The captured smiles, seem caged at last,
And someone?s thrown away the key,'

'For heartbroken, knots and ties'


the first line in the chorus is good

i like the yeah yeah.
yeah is a bit of a risky word to use, but i think uv put it in a good place, so it should be easy to pull that line off

could u have a look at the song im working on
its in a thread i posted called 'i'm trying to write something special'
StueyALBB
#10
Thankyou everyone, I'm literally blushing lol haha, first really posotive comments I've ever had lol =D
<3<3
#11
Again, really good imagery and ideas.
And if ever You come near, I will hold up high a mirror.
Lord, I could never show you anything as beautiful as You.